I use to be a Planner.....

I quit making plans.  I think it started this week.  For the first time in my life I quit planning what happens next in my life as well as my family's life.  I am a total planner too.  I use to have almost every weekend planned.  Now I don't plan anything because I am too afraid of being sick, and I HATE it.  I have been avoiding people too, my friends and family.  I don't want to be around them when I am sick...how depressing.  I feel sorry for my kids and my husband cuz I feel like such a burden on them and I know that is wrong to feel on so many levels but it's what breast cancer has made me feel like and it is depressing and you do go to dark places. I really hate chemo and am having panic attacks about having to go to my next one, even though I know it is the start of the "better" chemo and not the really bad one.  So I am having a bad, feel sorry for myself day.  BUT, I am going to grab a tissue, wipe my eyes, blow my nose and pick out a bigger pair of underwear......cuz it's time I put my BIG GIRL PANTIES on and get better.