Just a little poison......

I am happy to report that I am feeling better.  Not 100% by any means but a lot better than the past few days.  I told my father-in-law this morning that if I had to go back this Wednesday and get that nasty chemo (I call it the RED-DEVIL, cuz the chemo is red) that he would have to go get his horse's bridle and a rope and drag me in that way cuz I wouldn't GO!!!  But I go this Wednesday for what is called Taxol chemo.  It should be better in two ways....1.)  It's only 1 drug!  2.)  It is not suppose to be as strong and causes less side effects.  So now instead of a mass poisoning my body, I will just get poisioning in my body.  I guess I'll take any plus side that I can get!  Oh.....and I can add a 3rd bonus....no more Neulasta shots the day after chemo.  Halleluejah!!!  That will help a ton!

So Tues/Wed --midnight, I have to take 5 pill of steroids. Then at 6am on Wed of chemo I have to take 5 more.  They make you do that so that you don't have a violent allergic reaction to the taxol, in case you are allergic to it.  I am not sure which is worse.....the roid rage or the allergic reaction??? Just kidding.  I don't have roid rage.....just mom rage.  I sure hope that if I do have the allergic reaction that it happens there while I am close to medical attention.  I don't want to scare my kids with my eyes swollen shut and my tongue hanging out of my mouth!

Thank you again to everyone that has called, emailed, FB, sent cards, text.  I haven't felt much like talking or getting back to anyone but I will soon.  Just needed some down time.  I love you all and hopefully will be out and about seeing all of you soon!

I use to be a Planner.....

I quit making plans.  I think it started this week.  For the first time in my life I quit planning what happens next in my life as well as my family's life.  I am a total planner too.  I use to have almost every weekend planned.  Now I don't plan anything because I am too afraid of being sick, and I HATE it.  I have been avoiding people too, my friends and family.  I don't want to be around them when I am sick...how depressing.  I feel sorry for my kids and my husband cuz I feel like such a burden on them and I know that is wrong to feel on so many levels but it's what breast cancer has made me feel like and it is depressing and you do go to dark places. I really hate chemo and am having panic attacks about having to go to my next one, even though I know it is the start of the "better" chemo and not the really bad one.  So I am having a bad, feel sorry for myself day.  BUT, I am going to grab a tissue, wipe my eyes, blow my nose and pick out a bigger pair of underwear......cuz it's time I put my BIG GIRL PANTIES on and get better.

Relay for Life....More info!

Tam Elerding who does a super job with coordinating Relay for Life and works her bootie off for it, asked me to post this on my blog and I was more than happy to oblige.....

Hello Hardin County Relay For Life Team Captains!!

Next week we will be ordering t-shirts, please turn in  your team’s t-shirt sizes to Tam Elerding by Wednesday, April 25th by 5:00pm. Call or text Tam at 515.689.2352 or e-mail her at tsbytam@netins.net  (Team members are eligible for a t-shirt with the imprint pictured above if they have raised $50 or more for the relay.)

We have 43 days for each team member to raise at least $50 – I am very confident each one can do it!

Did you know that there are going to be 120 NEW cases of cancer in Hardin County this year. We are walking and fighting for those people suffering from cancer right here in Hardin County.
Need some quick and fun fundraising ideas?? Attached are some ideas that will help your team be a top fundraising team this year! Every dollar we raise we take a step towards more birthdays and less cancer!  “Happy Birthday is our Victory Song”
Bank Night is scheduled for Thursday, May 24th from 5pm-7pm at Hardin County Savings Bank in Eldora. Come turn in all of your fundraising dollars, pick up your incentive sheets, get any of those last minute Relay questions answered and pick up t-shirts for those team members who raised $50 or more!
THANK YOU so much for all of the work you do. The money you raise help people in your communities beat cancer!
 Celebrating Birthdays!


Tam Elerding
PO Box 233
Hubbard, IA  50122
515-689-2352
www.relayforlife.org/hardincountyia
Relay For Life of Hardin County
Friday, June 1, 11:00 am to 11:00 p.m.
All night vigil until Saturday, June 2, 5:00 a.m.

Chemo - Round 4!

This is my last NASTY chemo, so I am excited! I still have 12 more weeks of a less nasty drug.  I will go every week starting May 2nd.  I should not be as sick on this next drug, so am really looking forward to that!  Dianna Haywood is my driver today for chemo and is with me getting educated on the chemo process. We are also laughing so hard about her family and my family....what a hoot.  It's been nice talking about the old days and my days in Union and having fun at the golf course in Union.  We have all had some very memorable and fun times that's for sure!!  Dianna and Deanna, who are twins have been like big sisters to me for many years.  I have two older brothers and one younger sister so it's been really nice having them in my life, especially when I made some really dumb decisions.....and I made many!! LOL!  Dianna and I talked about our fathers who have been gone but not forgetten for 10 years and 5 years respectively.   I miss them both so much.  My dad would have been so proud of how far I have come and my choice of husband and children.  He would have loved Hadley, as he loved Palmer with the time he spent with him.  He would love watching Palmer play football, even though his advice would be to hit the other kids in the knee caps...yeah he liked to play dirty!!!  And I miss Buster, Di and De's dad.  I have such a special place in my heart for him.  He always made me feel like I had the world by the tail and I could do anything I wanted to do if I put my mind to it....and he was right.  He was such a fun guy with a huge heart.  So Di and I had a good time and she also took me to lunch as well as bringing supper for me so she really gets a gold star for the day!

Music Concert Tonight

Palmer has a music concert tonight....which he told me about last night around 8:30pm.  Luckily, I am use to this as I have passed on the procrastination gene to my dear son, so he comes by it honestly.  He has been practicing the guitar with his music teacher so I am curious to see what kind of performance he will do.  One thing about Palmer is that he can sing, but he doesn't want anyone to know it and he really doesn't like an audience so we will have to get my phone charged so I can video some of it.  I am kind of excited to see the performance now!  The last time I heard him sing, it was when he was showering as he always belts out a concert for us, mainly because he doesn't know we are listening.  I should video tape that too, not him in the shower!  But of the musical performance....it's a hoot to listen too!

I Feel Good....Na Na Na Na Na Na Nat

I knew that I would now.........Na Na Na Na Na Na Nat......so good, umph, upmh.....so good umph, umph

Ok, I do feel good...maybe not "James Brown" good, but pretty darn good.  I am glad to be over the nastiness for a while at least.  So for the next few days I have decided to put cancer on the back burner!  I am going to talk about better things than that!

Summer plans.  I have none yet, but I am going to get me some!  LOL  --- hopefully we can do a little traveling with the little one.  Palmer will be in Alabama with his dad by the beginning of June.  I will miss him.  He's so mature and funny and really witty.  I like that about it him, he's fun to converse with.  (when he's not being mouthy)  I know he loves going down there and visiting his family but I can't help but miss the little critter when he's gone.  I would love to go to Adventureland this year but I have found as I age I get sick on anything that goes even 180 degrees around and that I may lose my $10 hamburger that I just had bought and eaten there.  But you gotta love Adventureland!  I can go on the roller coasters though, for some reason those don't bother me.  I will just have to wear a hat with a chin strap.  Might as well put me in a helmet and a scooter while you are at.

Relay for Life 2012

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY12MW?px=27208228&pg=personal&fr_id=38592

Here is the link to donate and/or join my Team!!!  Would love to have you! 

Back at work today, I feel like a normal person finally!!  Although I have only had a few hours sleep...yes insomnia last night.....darn it's hard getting old!!! LOL!!  I needed to exercise my brain though, I am getting so stupid!  And blind, and hard of hearing.  I swear the chemo is affecting my brain cells and I really don't have many to spare anymore!!  I use to be so on the ball and now I have Palmer correcting me because I can't think of the right word or I said something really stupid!! LOL!!  Oh well I should not worry about it, it's only going to get worse!  Hopefully my brain can recuperate though, I don't think I can handle being stupid the rest of my life.

I cannot lie......

When I decided to write the blog, I knew that I wanted to tell you how things were going, not in complete detail (believe me, you do NOT want to know all the details!! LOL!) but I vowed to myself I would "keep it real."  Starting Friday I have felt like complete and utter....well CRAP.   No other way to describe it.  The chemo really got to me and I felt the effects.  I saw the look in Mike and my mom's eyes when they looked at me and I knew I looked as bad as I felt.  You could tell they were shocked by my appearance.  I do now look like a cancer patient....whatever in anyone's mind that might look like....but in my mind I am the perfect stereotype of what I think they look like.   But DO NOT feel sorry for me....I would hate that.  In my mind....this poison is WORKING!!!  That keeps me going.   It's zapping me while it's zapping the cancer.  So keep emailing, texting, calling, facebooking, mailing cards.  I love to read everything everyone writes. 

On a more fun note....Kristi Myers and I were named the Honorary Co-chairs of the Hardin  County Relay for Life on June 1st.  What an honor for the both of us.  We get to give speeches...wow, I'm really gonna hate that!  HA!

Yoga......

Y = You

O = Oh

G = Goodness

A = Aren't

FLEXIBLE LAURIE!!!!

I decided to try some yoga yesterday a few hours after chemo because I have heard it helps with nausea, muscle soreness and fatigue.  I was definitely willing to try it if it could ease those symptoms.  So I got out my yoga mat, brushed off the dust and began. To my pleasant surprise it did help ease the nausea and helped with my breathing.  It also felt good to stretch my body a little bit.  But I am so NOT flexible at all!!  I have realized how out of shape my body actually is.  But at least I was trying with baby steps.  During the work-out I would skip the ones I knew I would never get out of once I was in the pose!  So I opted for the easier more relaxing ones.  I am going to keep trying it as it did make me feel a bit better and who knows, maybe I will be able to touch my toes again!!

The yoga did not help me sleep though, unfortunately.  I have luggage under my eyes...not bags...luggage.  I just couldn't get a good nights rest.  I guess it's because I feel like I have the flu and I don't sleep well when I feel sick.  Today I got get my Neulasta shot which will make me hibernate so hopefully I will lose that luggage like the airport!!  (sorry couldn't resist!)

I finally got a smart phone, so have been posting a lot more to facebook.  Thank you to all of you for your love and support.  I read every one of your posts and have been overwhelmed by the love, prayers and support of all my family and friends.  I am so grateful to you all.  God Bless you!

Chemo - Round 3

Mike and I are at chemo right now, doesn't Mike look really enthused?? LOL!  They are running a bit late today as there are a ton of us getting chemo or blood treatments today.  Poor nurses!!  They are running their little booties off!  I am glad the weather has cooled off  a little as I am not sweating on my bald head, which is really gross I might add.  I am quite comfortable in a do rag and ball cap.  Mike is sitting here pretty bored actually.  I think he would be much more happy in a deer stand, sitting there with nothing to do.  Go figure.

"I love you Easter Bunny....so much."

Summer is coming and I have nothing to wear....

While I love the warm weather and being with the kids outside, I find myself ever-more self conscious of the hairless Laurie that is walking around these days.  I just want to cover everything up on myself from head to toe, but I know I will ROAST if that is the case between the sweltering heat and the majorly menopausal woman I am becoming.  (or should I say "mental-pausal")  Both would be true.   The steroids have added an extra squareness to my already round chipmunk cheeks.  So now I look like Sponge Bob instead of Alvin.  Both cute characters I might add though.  My arms are really needing a work-out too....you would think lifting my 26 lb daughter might help that out, but it doesn't really.  So my resistance bands gathering dust in the closet are going to have to see the light of day here pretty soon or I won't be able to stand myself.  I also have one of those medicine balls.  It was a fun new toy when I got it but now it's more of a torturing device....but it does work.  I also have one of those Shake Weights. It does not work very well and I am afraid I would shake my new boobies right off my chest with that....so that will be going on a shelf to gather its own dust.  I just have to find motivation which I am lacking these days. 

I must admit I have been depressed lately.  It feels like this process is never ending and I just started!!  I think it's the looming chemo this week.  I am glad it will be the third one and that I will be 3/4 of the way through the most brutal part of the treatment.  Then I only have the 12 weeks of Taxol to deal with....and my bald head and my flabby arms.  No feeling sorry for me though....I will get through it and will be back to the old Laurie bigger (well hopefully not bigger) and better than ever!!