A Reason for the Season.......Happy Holidays!

 

Happy Birthday to Jesus Christ...(well belated, it was yesterday) but I don't think JC would mind a shout out the day after either.....after all, he was BORN yesterday!  I wonder if he is happy about how huge his whole bday has gotten???  Or if he's a bit embarrassed by all the attention?  I am sure for some people he wants them to calm it down a bit....ya, I am talking to you all you "blow up plastic" manger decorators!  And he probably is saying, tone it down on the shopping and spoiling your kids.  I was born this day so you could enjoy your families, friends, and faith....... not give all your kids an Ipad!!!  Well I have to admit, I am one of those spoilers and I really need to remember the reason for the season and that is faith and hope and happiness...Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday Jesus!!

20 Years Ago......

20 years ago today I graduated from Iowa State University. Which is so ironic, since I am a Hawkeye fan!!  LOL  --- but I did graduate in 1992 on Dec 19th with a Bachelor of Science degree.  It doesn't seem like 20 years but it does seem like it's been a while since I was involved in the college scene.  Loved it when I was there but glad I am done with it!!  I will just have to live vicariously through my kids' college experiences now!  Here are pics of me then and now:

Can you guess which are which??? LMAO!!!

Heavy heart....

I have had a heavy heart all weekend.  The shootings in CT of innocent children and teachers has me just sickened.  I can't even imagine what they are going through, and I really don't even want to imagine it.  When I see their little faces it makes me want to sob with what could have been for them.  I take a look at my own children and I am so glad to have them with me all the time and to be able to hug them and tell them how much I love them.  I am not sure why people do such evil things, it's confusing and horrible.  I hope the parents can find some way to deal with the pain they are going through.  I am not sure what I would do or how I would handle it and hopefully I never will have to.

On Sunday, Dec. 16th I celebrated (yes celebrated) 1 year since my diagnosis.  On that day 1 year ago I seriously thought my life was over!  Or at least it would never be the same again and not in a good way.  I can say that reflecting on the past year, I am so thankful for modern medicine and for the love and support of friends and family.  I was crying on this day 1 year ago, and this year I am happy.....happy to be ALIVE and kicking and to be able to torture those who need it!!! 

Yesterday I got my nipple reconstructed.  It was a surprise how quick and easy it was.  He basically just took and cut a criss cross then sewed it into one big blob of a circle to make the nipple.  Easy peasy!!!  I didn't feel a thing since I can't feel anything anyway on that side.  But it looks NASTY!!  It's so gross!  It takes 3 months to heal, then I can get the areola tatooed on and he will most likely color the nipple in also.  I asked him about dead person nipple...not only did he laugh about it, he said there is a procedure where they do that and it costs twice as much and it is not nearly as successful!  How ironic!  Glad I don't have dead person nipple....only my own!!

What happens in Vegas....

Stays in Vegas...yes I am talking about my money.  It's still in Vegas.  Curse you, you FUN slots!!!  I had a ton of fun with my hubby and we got to see the National Finals Rodeo in person!!!!  I think Mike was in Heaven!  It was pretty cool and I am so glad we went.  Had a ton of fun with Seth and Beth and Anna and Alex.  Great people to travel with and be in Vegas with. 

I got to wear my cowboy hat....I felt like such a cowgirl with my 5 lb sparkly diamond belt and flannel shirt.  I got my belt at a 2nd hand store for $10....they were selling them in Vegas for $90!!!  And mine is soooo much cooler, at least I think so.

Here are some pics of Mike and I at the rodeo.  My face is not really that fat, it's the angle of the camera.  **cough, cough** (throat clearing sound). 

Holy Mammogram!

Took me two hours to get a mammogram yesterday (they were quite busy) but after a couple of looks from the radiologist and one scary ultrasound from my breast surgeon, he said he was very happy....so that makes me very happy!  I am in the clear for my left breast, what a relief!!!

We just got back from a weekend away in KC with our friends the Kubiks.  Carey, Jason and Kyley were so much fun to hang with.  The girls loved each other and Palmer really entertained Hadley and Kyley.  We kept telling Kyley that Palmer was Justin Bieber and she would giggle and get all embarrassed...adorable.  Hadley enjoyed trying to hug Kyley and Hadley especially loved the pool!!  We miss seeing them as they moved away to Wichita, KS a few years ago, but we still keep in touch all the time and try to see each other at least once a year.  With my chemo treatments we had to postpone their visits many times as I was either sick, or they were sick...and I was not much for visitors this year, but now I am ready to see everyone!!!

No News is Good News??

I had my x-ray done on my back last Wednesday and have not received any info (good or bad) about it so I am going to go with everything is ok!  No news is good news in my book.  I figured if there was something wrong they would have surely called me by now.  At least that is what I am telling myself.

I finally had my hair trimmed (thanks Kristi Myers) and am starting to wear the pixie cut with lots of goop in it to keep those curls from going haywire!!  Yes, I said curls, lots of them.  When I don't "style" my hair it looks like Pauly D from Jersey Shore....kind of that "cup or bowl" style that looks like part cactus.  Yuck.  So I use this product called "surf hair".  It's far from looking like surf hair, but it does keep it in a more stylish manner.  I am going to highlight it tonight!!  Wish me luck! 

Palmer came back from Disney World.  If only I would have had my camera ready at the airport.  When Hadley saw Palmer she yelled his name and ran to him for the biggest brother/sister hug I have ever seen....priceless.  They are so cute....yes I am one of THOSE parents...it's makes me want to puke too.   Palmer also gave Hadley a Tangled brush and crown, since she likes that movie so well.  It was really sweet of him to think of her and she wore the crown around for a while then decided that her stuffed animals needed to wear it, so she put it on them. I have such good kids...so lucky.

I can't believe it's almost Thanksgiving!!!!

Despite all the crap that went down for me this past year, it really seems to have FLOWN by lately!  I took Palmer to the airport on Saturday so he could visit his dad and his family for Thanksgiving.  They are at Disney World right now as we speak!!  Lucky duck. 

I will get my x-ray this week on my back ribs so at least that will be done.  I am beyond sick of doctors...(no offense to my doctors) but seriously....I am sick of you.  I still have my mammo and nipple surgery to think about....yuck.  I will always have a bit of fear getting a mammo now....I think that's fair to admit.  Who wouldn't???

My friend Kristi Myers and fellow BC survivor had shoulder surgery this past week.  I hate to even complain about my small little things that I have to get done as I am sure that was painful!!  Hope you are feeling better Kristi!

On a humorous note....someone better buy Hostess cuz I really don't want to live in a world without Twinkies!  But as long as there is still bacon....

Weight loss....part 2

Well, I am almost half way to my weight loss goal, I have lost 23 lbs so far.  I am trying to get to a 50 lbs weight loss but one day at a time, I love food wayyyyy too much to be there in just a few weeks!!  So I am hoping that by early summer (swimsuit season) that I can be at my goal!!  I feel so much better and have a lot more energy.  And my clothes fit, that is such a bonus!

Had my 3 month check up yesterday and all was great with my vitals and blood work.  I am full of nutrients so far!! Yay!!  I have to go get an xray next week as I have a sore spot on my left side near my back rib.  I have had that sore spot since chemo ended but thought it was just from surgeries, but I still have it, so to be safe they are going to check out the bone.  I am sure it's just arthritis....like everything else on my body!!! 

My baby boy Palmer leaves to go see his dad for Thanksgiving and go to Disney World....what a lucky duck!!!  I will miss him.  I am looking forward to some R&R during Thanksgiving.  I am not even going to look at a mall......I am not a Black Friday shopper at all. 

We went to a wedding this weekend.  Congratulations Brittany and Brady Myers!! It was so fun.  Here is a picture of Hadley in her wedding attire:

Still waiting for my 3 month check up

They cancelled my 3 month check up that was suppose to be Nov 1st as Dr. Singh had something he had to do at the hospital and someone accidentally scheduled my appt at the same time.  So they moved me to Nov. 12th.  I am not stressing out about it so far.  I feel good, so hopefully that is a great sign!!  I have been trying to figure out all the times that I have gone to the dr. for tax purposes....yay for medical mileage!!!  Thank goodness for this blog...it's like a written video tape of my appointments and it was so nice to be able to look something up so easy.  And who said it wasn't a GOOD thing that I am an over-sharer?!

More pictures!!

Here is Palmer in his Auburn gear.  He is an Auburn fanatic!  I would say he is a pretty good fan since they are not very good this year, he is very loyal, good or bad!!  Kind of like me and the Iowa Hawkeyes...curses that they are so bad this year too!!

And here is Miss Hadley goofing off at Grandma and Grandpa's house right before Halloween.  She didn't wear them for very long as there were tootsie rolls that needed to eaten by her, as well as all the other candy in Grandma's house.  Can we say sugar high??

Race for the Cure!

I got up early on Saturday morning with Kristi Myers to catch a bus from Ames to Des Moines to walk in the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure.  While I didn't "race", I did walk three miles which is a GIGANTIC feat for me.  I was tired as hell, but I made it!!  And what a great turn out!  Hopefully one day we will never hear of anyone dying from breast cancer.  I know it's a huge wish, but hopefully it will happen one day.  I sure hope it does in my lifetime.  Here we are after the 3 mile marker....I was a happy (and sore) camper!!  Thank you to all my Cycos for a Cure teammates...it was a fun day!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

My little pirate!!  So cute, I just want to squeeze her.  She's not dangerous since she still has her pacifier...I am sure she wouldn't make you walk the plank!

3 Month Check up next week

Sorry, had to post that picture of those heel/horse shoes....is that not the most disturbing photo you have ever seen????? 

Next week is my 3 month post breast cancer check up.  While I am going into it with a good attitude, I have just a small part of myself that is a bit scared.  Hoping all with still be just fine and I am sure it will be.  I just know that I would not be normal if I wasn't looking over my shoulder a little bit!

Tomorrow Kristi Myers and I are going to walk in the Susan G Komen Race for Cure in Des Moines.  I know I will NOT be racing.  I will barely be walking, but I am going to do my best.  I am excited to see a bunch of survivors.  We are taking a bus from Ames so that should be fun!  Our team name is "Cyco's for the Cure" which features Cyclones on the t-shirt.  Since I am a Hawkeye fan, it will be a bit disturbing wearing a cyclone but it's for a good cause.

Thanks to Paige for getting me this coffee cup -- hilarious!

WTF??????

The new nipple......

***Warning....nipple talk, don't let your kids read ***

I was trying to decide whether to have them make me a new nipple for my mastectomy breast that has been redone with an implant.  I went back and forth as I kind of wanted them to look closer to twins (my breasts) but yet I guess I really didn't care one way or the other.  I can't feel anything anyway on my right breast, so did it really matter???  Yesterday I went to the plastic surgeon and he convinced me to have the nipple put on. (I think it's because they will miss me too much if I am not in their care anymore....at least that is what I tell myself)  This is how the nipple thing works (which I just learned yesterday):  They make you the ring around the nipple and construct a nipple.  It will not be as "sticking out" as my other nipple for lack of a better description but they will build it up a bit. Now the material they use to do this, I am not sure yet.  If it's cadaver skin I am running for the hills.  I don't want dead person nipple.  I have to assume it's from some synthetic skin thing they have.  I am so not medical can you tell??  Anyway,  The have to give me a local shot in the breast ***ouch*** and then they will proceed.  I can drive myself to and from the procedure.  I have to wear gauze with a hole cut out...so the nipple can breathe??  LOL!  I just made that part up, I am not sure why.  After 3 months I can have the tatoo applied which means basically just coloring it in to look like a real nipple.  I am having the procedure done on December 17th.  I needed a break from the doctors for a while so we scheduled it for a couple months.  Getting more and more back to the old Laurie...uh oh!

HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY HADLEY!

My little schmoopy turned 2 on Saturday. She had a great day!  Grandma Sandy and Grandpa Bill brought her pics of the horses and she went wild over them!  She loved all the clothes and dolls from Grandma Judy and Grandpa Al too and all the other gifts that her great Aunt and Uncle Sandy and Arlin, and Aunt Lisa and Aunt Marc and all her cousins. Cousin Jennifer and her boys got her a "I wear pink for my mommy shirt"  I about cried!  Grandpa Dean brought her a t-shirt from his hunt in Argentina.  Aunt Christy made her a pumpkin cake and cupcakes and her and Uncle Jon gave her books and candy called Boogers....I am sure she will have fun with those!  Uncle Tim got her a fuzzy bear back pack.  Hattie and her family bought her books and coloring books! They all showered her with gifts and she was just beside herself!!!  It was really cute.  Scott and Stacy Peden got her a radio flyer tricycle and it's PINK!!  So cute.  And her friends the Kubiks from Kansas sent her PJ's and a Happy Birthday Book.  It was such a great day and Hadley thanks everyone for coming and their fun gifts!!  And she got lots of cards in the mail and knows to watch for cards in the mail at her birthday now!  Thank you everyone!

October is Boobie Month!!

Breast cancer awareness month...October!!!  Go get a mammogram, please.  My cancer would not have been detected so early (or maybe not until it was too late...yikes!) if I would not have had my first mammogram.  So please it's very important to go get checked. 

I have to admit, I use to love pink.  But since my diagnosis I have been surrounded by so much pink it's like Pepto Bismol puked all over me.  So for October, I will embrace the pink ribbon and all it's pinkness, but after that I am going straight to Christmas colors!  LOL!!

Bucket List!!!!

I have a lot of things I would like to do in my lifetime but I am settling right now for the little things.  No pain (LOL!), having hair, shopping for new bras, wearing jeans that are not meant for clown people.....  Ah, the little things like eyelashes and eyebrows!!  Those are my mini bucket list items.  I have a lot of plans in the next few weeks also.  Hadley's birthday party, shopping weekend, visit in KC with Carey, Jason and Kyley, and Mike and I are going to go to Vegas again in December....I know...twice in 1 year, I must be special....or stupid..one or the other.  I want to stay away from that damn Sex and the City slot machine, but I know I will have to play it a few times....love it!!  So here are a few things I want to accomplish in the next year:

Cancer Free!!
Exercising Regularly
Going out to eat with my hubby once a month as "date night"
Getting back into my wedding dress!!!  HA!
Looking like the pictures I post on facebook from 5 years ago!  HA HA!!
Playing with my kids and watching them grow
Going to an Iowa Football game with Palmer
Taking a family vacation
Trapshooting a few times
Golfing a few times
Family photo

I don't require much, but these things WOULD make me happy and I will cross them off as I go along.  I am definitely getting back to my old self.....might I just say "Whew"......!

Smells Like Football Games & Bonfires.....

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this time of year.  Always have.  Going to football games and chatting with friends. Drinking a cold beverage with gloves on but yet not too cold that you can't stand it.  The leaves are turning, and it's beautiful out.  These are the days I live for!!  I am feeling so much better from my respiratory problems that it's like a re-birth for me!  So excited to have the weekend in front of me.  I am probably going to make it to that Bacheloretter Party this weekend, although I am packing lots of water....I know, I am a Debbie Downer but I do not want to take ANY chances of a relapse!!!  It will be fun just to socialize.  I remember not too long ago that I just wanted to hide in my house and not see anyone so I feel like it's a big step for me to get out around a huge group of people.  But I am looking forward to it, rather than having panic attacks about it....huge turn-around for me!! 

Mike is busy farming so the kids and I have been hanging out.  Palmer has started to aggrevate Hadley instead of her hanging on his every move...I think he doesn't like that one bit!!  I think it's funny!  They are my entertainment.  My baby turns 2 on Oct 13th......can't believe she is getting to be such a big girl.  Here's a pic of the both of them when Palmer had "nerd day" at school:

Why do I always JINX myself????

Remind me to keep my mouth closed so I don't jinx myself!  I KNOW how super crazy and superstitious I am, so WHY would I say that I am perfectly fine???  Cuz last week I developed nasty sinus infection that moved to my chest and has now given me walking pneumonia.  I feel like A$$.  And it feels like it's never going away.  I can't hardly swallow, eat, sleep or anything because of the congestion in both my chest and nose.  I have not been able to smell anything in 6 days, which is good and bad I guess!!  I have a really good antibiotic though, so hopefully I am on the mend.  I have to miss a super fun bachelorette party this weekend though so I can recuperate and keep on my meds (no partying on those meds!!) and I am really bummed about it.  But I really need to start to feel better.  So Brittany and Brady...have fun at your parties...I really wanted to be there as I know it would have been a blast.  But I will redeem myself at the wedding reception!!!

Appears to be nothing wrong with me....

I am happy to report that other than mental angst, I am perfectly healthy!  I got my stitches out yesterday and the "almost" twins look so nice and are feeling much better.  They are so much smaller!!!  I can't believe what a difference it makes in shirts and sweaters.  But I am very happy with the out-come and feel much more like a "girl" now.  (Not Frankenstein!)

Still waiting for my hair to grow in so I have been wearing berets with a 1/2 wig.   It's kind of a "thing" for me right now. Not quite as hot and a bit more comfy than a full wig.  Plus I look like so Bob Marley-ish.  Mike makes fun of me but that's ok.  Here is my Hawkeye, Bob Marley look:

The new me.....

I got a raving review from my plastic surgeon.... that I am healing nicely and all looks good. The loose skin is a "good thing" as my other boob is normally loose and not saline hard, so he wanted both of them to match as closely as possible.  I will say they are both jiggly and feel pretty real, especially the one that is not real.  At 42 I don't really need my boobs to be at my neckline so I am pretty happy with the results.  They will never look or feel the same as they use to, but I am ok with that cuz I get to see my kids grow up.

Don't take those eyelashes for granted!!!

I am slowly getting back to normal (or what was mostly normal for me).  My eyebrows are coming along beautifully, my hair is coming in nice and thick...still really short and no bangs, but nice and thick.  Also my hair is a nice mouse fur color right now, but I can live with it so far.  My body is healing up from the chemo and now I look like I have a french manicure as all the poison "white" lines in my fingernails have traveled all the way to the tips of my fingernails....it's the strangest thing I have ever seen!  I go see my plastic surgeon today to get the drain out hopefully so I can soon start wearing REAL bras!  I can't wait for that!  But I must say, my poor eyelashes really took a beating.  The bottoms ones are fine...I  never really lost those.  But my top lashes look like someone killed a spider by stepping on it and then harvested the crooked, broken legs of that spider for an eyelash transplant for me.  No matter how I try to curl or apply mascara, those stupid lashes go all over the place and clump together.  It's the ugliest thing I have seen!  And trying to seperate the lashes, only makes them look worse....so for now I will live with the dead spider legs on my eyes.  I will wear falseys now and then but hopefully it gets better soon.  I need my lashes back to normal!

Rougher than I thought.....

I thought I would be down a couple of days healing with my wounds but I was wrong...(I know, mark it on your calendar...Laurie was wrong!)  I was pretty sore and not feeling the greatest even this weekend.  I felt like I had the flu....mixed in with falling down on the highway and getting major road rash on my chest....that is how it feels.  Kinda stingy!  But I have been a major loafer at home and caught up on all my crazy reality shows.....I know, I am a reality junky and I hate it!!!  My guilty pleasure!  But back to work today as I am feeling a lot better.  Thursday I go to the doctor and hopefully get out this DRAIN!!  I know....the dreaded drains...hate them with a passion, but of course everyone knows how much I hate those drains.  But I should be thankful for only having 1 drain this time instead of 2.  And I have been able to be my own nurse-maid and haven't really had to rely on anyone else which is a huge goal of mine.  I am so tired of being the patient!!! 

I must say that the twins are not really twins anymore, but I do like to call them that, they are fraternal twins now though, and not identical!  HA!  They are a nice smaller size and something I think I can work with.  I do have some extra skin on the implant side so I am going to have to ask how that is going to work out.  That extra skin causing chafing...and you know I can't stand chafing!!!  Even the word grosses me out!!  I thought maybe they would be a bit higher or "lifted" but they aren't really. They actually look pretty normal with a bra on.  I know...TMI (too much information Laurie!)  I will post a nice pic of Mike and I when I can wear a regular bra in a decent shirt so everyone can actually see that I am not Frankenstein!!  Oh and my port is GONE!!   Hallelujah!!!!

Surgery Day

In about a half hour Mike and I will be leaving to go check in at the hospital for my out-patient surgery.  We came into work to tie up a few loose ends since I will be gone a couple days (and so I don't eat and snack at home!!! I have to fast right now...boo!)  I am a bit nervous.  Today I will get my expander out and my new silicone implant put in...size C (ahhhh just the right size for me!) and then I will get my other breast fixed since it never really healed right.  He is going to cut some skin out and make it look all snazzy.  I hope he does cuz it looks yucky right now.  I am sure that part will hurt and will continue to hurt/heal the most.  Then lastly, I get my port out which is where they put the chemo to my veins.  I am sure that will hurt also as it is still a bit sensitive.  3 incisions to heal from, hopefully it goes fast and I can get some narcotic nap time!!  See you in a few days!

Nice Long Weekend....ahhhhhh

It was a nice relaxing weekend.  Hadley and I spent time playing for most of it.  She is quite an entertainer!!!  Some of the things that come out of her mouth are so much like me!!  Scary!!!  I am trying to get as much of holding her as I can, as I cannot lift her for 4 whole weeks after surgery!!!  I am so bummed.  Palmer the sweetheart that he is said he would help out with it.  And she loves her big bro Palmer!!! 

Palmer has his first football game on Sunday the 9th.  I hope I am feeling ok to go to it and sit.  I hate missing his games.  He also has his first dance on Friday.  I am officially a mom that has a son that is going to a real school dance.  Wow!!!! (Even though all of my friends from high school have children that have gotten married, or are going off to college this year, or getting their senior pics taken!!  I had my kids a bit later in life!!!)

Tomorrow is surgery and I am a bit nervous, but just more ready to get everything over with and healed up.  That would put me at "finished" and I can cross everything off my list that I needed to do for breast cancer.  Ahhhhhhh! (oh except maybe the nipple tattoo, if I decide to have it!)

9 MORE DAYS TO NEW BOOBIES!!

Tomorrow I go in for my pre-op appointment with my plastic surgeon to have him check me out and finalize plans for surgery.  I soooooo wish I were getting a tummy tuck, neck and face lift at the same time, but us beggers cannot be choosers.  One recovery from all that Face Fab would have been nice, but I will take the new breasts for now.  I am so tired of this expander!!! It's rock hard and feels so strange. I can tell the skin has stretched as I now have ample skin on the side that rubs against my armpit.  And it's so disgusting and makes my armpit chafed.  And I hate the word chafed!!!  Yuck!  But only 9 more days...bring on the pain!  No pain, no gain!

I am starting to feel so much better.  Each day I am less fatigued.  I still have major muscle stiffness and soreness though.  That sucks.  I try to blame it on the cancer treatments but I might be forced to just chalk it up to age.....no, not quite yet!

Photos

My bad-ass baby!!!

Weight Loss.....URGHHHHH

I decided since I had gained quite a bit of weight during treatment (and since I could no longer blame it on chemo or the steroids!!!) that I should try to lose some weight.  Being over weight and inactive (among other things) aids in getting breast cancer....so they say.  But for my own sanity I have been on weight watchers for the past 5 weeks.  I am happy to report I have lost a total of 9.4 lbs.  I feel better already and have given myself a healthy goal and plenty of time to do it in (a year!!)  Thank goodness for mobile apps too as they can tell you everything about what goes into your mouth and if you want to eat it - or as I say "is it points worthy"?  Weight watchers gives you an allocation of points for you to consume each day and if you stay within that range you lose weight.  So it's pretty cut and dry and it really does work.  But I sure do miss my big bowls of icecream at night!!

Tonight is Palmer's Open House for his first year in 6th grade over at Hubbard.  He gets to meet his teachers and find his classrooms and locker and drop off his stuff.  He has already called me three times and it's not even noon yet.  He is so excited I think he might pee his pants.  But that's a good thing.

In Remission.......

I don't want to jinx myself, cuz you know how I feel about that...everytime I say something is good news sometimes turns around on me, so I want to be careful....maybe that's called superstition?  Who knows.  I do know that when speaking with my oncologist yesterday they "think" and are "pretty sure" they got the cancer that was inside of me.  So I am considering that remission and I am going to call myself cancer free...please no jinx!!!!

Since I have TNBC (triple negative breast cancer) I do not respond to any long term drugs such as hormone therapy or tamoxafin.  Chemo and radiation are the only things that work on my type of breast cancer.  Those with hormone positive receptors can continue their treatment past chemo and radiation.  They take a pill that can keep treating them.  I cannot do chemo for the next 5 years (and thank goodness!)  But since we zapped everything and I had the mastectomy the oncologist feels that we have done well on getting rid of the cancer....hopefully for good!  I am petrified it will come back...not going to lie to you.  But I can't live my life scared to death of it, so I have to just put it out of my mind.  I am on the last home stretch and cannot wait to be done and live like a normal person....even though I was never really normal before.

NEW BOOBS!!!

I am happy to report that Dr. Awesome (my plastic surgeon) has scheduled my breast reconstruction surgery!  I will finally get this expander out that has been oh so uncomfortable.  Mike could fling pennies at it and they would probably torpedo back at him...maybe that is why I haven't let him do that at all.  Poor guy...I am such a fun hater.  Anyway, I will get my new saline implant on my right breast and he's going to spruce up the left breast a bit too since it was a little slow in healing due to the chemo.  They both should look spiffy afterwards!  So Sept 5th is the date....set your calendars. 

I have had some requests for before and after photos but I will refrain from posting those.  Unless Hugh Heffner wants to put a few million in my bank account....even then I am not so sure.  Here is a bit of TMI for you....if I want a nipple, I have to have it tatooed on....that could be my first tatoo.  And no I don't think I will be showing my tatoo to every Tom, Dick and Harry that asks about it...who knows though, maybe they will look so awesome a flash down at the river might be in order!!!

Palmer comes home!!!!

I am happy to report that my baby (11 year old baby) comes home today!!  After being gone 2 whole months visiting his dad and family in AL.  They will be in town right after lunch.  Today we are going to register him for Middle School....yes, I said Middle School.  He will be in 6th grade.  I remember my 6th grade year so well as we were the top dogs on the totem pole....the oldest of the Whitten Elementary back in the day.  We thought we were soooo cool....and I am sure some of us were!! HA!!  Palmer, unfortunately will be the youngest class at his Middle School (6th - 8th) but I know he cannot wait to go.  Thank goodness!  He starts football here in a few days and cannot wait for that either.  Thank goodness he has energy...now maybe it will rub off on me!!

This is Palmer and his grandaddy Wylie...they have stickers on their face....couple of goofballs!

Today marks the 4th week after chemo...so I am HOPING tomorrow I can feel completely poison-free!!!  We will see about that!  I am going to try to get a pedicure sometime soon....my toes look like something from the Flinstones right now...yuck!

3 weeks post chemo....so far so good!

It's been 3 weeks since my last chemo and I can report I am starting to feel better.  It's hard for me to believe that in 1 more week all of the chemo will be out of my system.  I know that I am hoping for this electric type shock that zaps me back into a normal pre-cancerous body.....but I know that won't happen, but I can at least wish for it!

I get more hair growth each day...sure it's only less than a mm at a time....but it's growing.  It really needs to fill in the bald spots on top....they are a bit choppy and it looks like I had ringworm in those spots...yuck!  But my sideburns are coming to the tops of my ears, and I can almost comb them....yes I said COMB them!  I have gone without scarves and hats a few times but with my glasses on I look like the singer Moby and I decided to wait for a bit more hair growth. 

So if you are just starting the process of a breast cancer diagnosis...please read this blog.  It really does get better...you CAN make it, and you WILL laugh and cry about yourself along the way.  On August 9th I will see both my plastic surgeon and my cancer doctor to see what is next for me.  I will probably schedule my breast implant surgery in the next few weeks, and the oncologist will let me know if I am good for another 3 months or not.  I am hoping I am!!  Then I am going to go get a pedicure cuz my feet are nasty!

My Life so far....without chemo

Well it hasn't quite been 2 weeks since I finished chemo.....my last one was July 5th, but I am noticing some improvement in some areas and then kind of  "withdrawl" like symptoms in other areas.  Who knew you could become addicted to chemo right???  That's why it's called a "drug" :)      My headaches have remarkably improved and I don't feel quite as yucky as I use to.  I still have the bad fatigue and muscle weakness, but hopefully that will get better with time.  I am still walking like an 80 year old woman!  No I take that back, 80 year olds walk faster than me!! LOL    I read that the recovery time takes about as long as the treatment time....so as I figure the time from diagnosis to end of treatment, that is 7 months.  So by next year I should be feeling better.  I am not a patient person so that seems endless, but at least I am not on chemo!!  I do get my surgery here in a few more weeks to take out the expander in my right breast and put in the implant. I can't wait to have NEW boobs!!!  Finally a perk (no pun intended)!

Ok, I promised a pic of myself at some point.  Here is my new hair growth.  Am I a true blonde??  (I think it's the light reflecting off the white/gray hairs.)

They let me FINISH chemo as of yesterday....!

I had 9 treatments total, and because I am feeling some numbness in my left hand (and I fell out of Mike's truck because I could not hold onto the handle with my numb hand....bruised A$$!) the doctor decided to stop my treatment yesterday and told me I am finished....just like that.  I was elated and frightened at the same time.  Elated cuz let's face it....NO MORE CHEMO.  But frightened and anxious because I only completed 9 treatments...we were suppose to do 12.....did we get it all??????  But the doctor tried to reassure me that 8 -12 treatments is what they consider a "full dose" so I am well within the limits to stop.  Plus I don't want a numb left hand for the rest of my life.  My typing would take a huge nose-dive.

Thank you to my friend Karen for driving me...we had a great time.  She reminded me of some of the stupid things I did when I was younger. I, of course did not remember some of them and had to laugh cuz I really was a little shit at times!!   

"Lash" Worthy.......

Since I barely have an eyelash on each eye, I have been using false eyelashes....cuz let's face it, Laurie without eyelashes is a little creepy!!  Not stylish at all!  But the false eyelashes are getting to be expensive.  I have been re-using them (by soaking them in eye make-up remover....yes, you are welcome for that little money saving tid-bit) but using them a 2nd or 3rd time even, I start to look like Tammy Faye, and I just don't want that.  So I have to make decisions on whether or not an event I am going to is "lash" worthy..which means putting on a pair of NEW false eyelashes so that I can look FABULOUS!  As far as work goes, while I love everyone there, it's just not lash worthy....my co-workers and my family have seen me at my worst so they could care less if I have eyelashes or not.  Going to the grocery store, not lash worthy since I don't have the wardrobe to support it (I wear sweats and a t-shirt to the grocery store). So I mainly save my lashes for holidays and special evening outings and of course shopping and chemo....cuz you never know who you are going to run into!!  Yes I wear my falseys to chemo.....if I look fabulous I feel fabulous...that is the key to getting through this whole thing!!!!

Taxol Chemo - Round 9

Only 3 more chemos to go!!  I am so excited.  I can see light at the end of the tunnel and I am starting to make PLANS again!!  That's a great feeling.  As I reflect on the past few months there have been some really bad days and some not so bad days and some pretty good days.  So I feel like it's been a long haul, but not a bad one.  Please find that as encouragement for anyone else just starting this journey...you can make it and be ok.  It gets really old at times...but you can do it!!

I am very anxious to get my strength and stamina back. I literally come up from downstairs in the basement and huff and puff dripping in sweat from carrying a laundry basket.....that is sooooo sad!  I have some MAJOR exercising to do if I am going to get back to a size that doesn't repulse me, so I certainly hope the complete fatigue gets better.  I am going to ask me doctor if he recommends any supplements.  He's a good drug pusher!! LOL -- just kidding!

A big thank you goes out to all my drivers that have taken me to chemo.  What a great help all of you are as I really don't think I can drive there and back by myself, especially not during this last chemo of Taxol....the Benadryl makes me too sleepy!  A big shout out goes to my mom and Al, Sandy Trampe, my hubby Mike, Dianna Haywood, my sister Christy Porter, Stacy Peden, Kristi Myers, Angie Klaver & Karen Hammers (who takes me next week and I cannot wait!!  too see her that is, not the chemo - I am not too excited about that, other than getting thru it!) 

Hope everyone had a safe 4th. I saw the fireworks and didn't swelter too badly. Hadley loved them!  Missing my son Palmer though, he will be home in less than a month!!  Yay!!

My hair is starting to grow back!

I have about 1 cm in hair growth....I know, I know....pretty soon I will look like a Beatle, maybe Ringo.....I can't wait to have hair back.  I know I will have to start with a pixy cut but I would love to quit wearing scarves, hats and wigs.  Especially since we have been having tropical, humid days this week....ughh!  The color of my hair is a white, gray, yellow, black.....like all my hair died and it's trying to come back to life....wait, that's EXACTLY what happened.  It still hasn't decided on a pigment yet, but I sure hope it doesn't choose gray!  Yikes!  I will have to spike it and get my hair colored brown and tips highlighted blonde....I will look like a dude...but I don't care!

Here is my baby at the pool....she's a cool bathing beauty!

More pictures!!! (My Kiddos!)

This is Palmer at the airport before he flew down to his dad's for the summer.  I miss that durn 11 year old so much!!!

This is Hadley at the Peden's house getting washed up after playing outside.  Doesn't she look just angelic yet naughty at the same time????

I don't post enough pictures!!

Here are some pictures...of course they are of Hadley!  And I have one of Palmer as soon as I can figure out how to get it off my phone!!  No pics of me.....I am not photogenic as a bald person!  LOL!  But I should probably get a good memory shot so I can go back and reflect on it.  Maybe.

Taxol Chemo - Round 8

Seems like I am always getting chemo doesn't it????  LOL!  Only 4 more left and I am beyone elated about that.  I don't mind getting the chemo as all I do is sleep, I just don't like all the after effects of it.  I am starting to get some peach fuzz growing on my head.   And I am even starting to get a tiny bit of sideburns.  I never thought I would be elated about side burns!!  My hair is a gray, white, blonde, brown color right now....UUUUUGGGGGLLLLYYYYY!  But I am hoping when it does start to really grow in that it's at least a decent color, or that it's long enough to color.  They say you are not suppose to color it right away.  HA! Like that is going to happen....I will color it as soon as I can get away from wearing hats and scarves.  I may be dark brown for a while and look like GI Jane, but it's going to have a color!!!

We are trying to decide on a place to camp this weekend since we have a free weekend.  Unfortunately, I usually get to spend my time in the camper, watching movies as it is too hot for me outside and I burn way easily and that is not good for me either.  I just usually go for the food and movies!!!  Might be cheaper for me to stay home!!! LOL  Our camper is awesome though and I know for the future I am going to love it when I can be a normal camper again and drink beer by the fire.  Oh how I am longing for that!!!

On a sad note, my friends Jared Cook and Janelle Guiles and their families lost their mother this past Friday due to an accident.  My heart is so heavy for them as she was a wonderful woman.  And her death was in the same year as their father's death.  So please pray for these awesome people who have lost so much at such a young age. 

Taxol Chemo - Round 7

I am sooooo behind on posting...it's been a busy summer so far!  Since we have our camper we have been gone about every weekend!  The camper is fun....I am just not fun :( ---- I want to be outside and socializing or going for walks and I am just not there yet.  The heat makes me literally pour sweat out of my glands....it's  bad!!!  But Hadley loves it and night-time is nice since I can stay out of the sun by that time.  I guess I will just have to turn nocturnal.  If I could stay up that late!  I feel so OLD!! 

The last chemo was not too bad.  I have been taking B12 and Vitamin C and drinking lots of water to try to keep my red blood cells up.  So far I think it's been working.  I feel a bit worn down but nothing like a few weeks previous to this one.  I only have 5 more chemo's left!!!!  I can't believe I am getting close to being done!  During the 4th of July week I will get my chemo on Thurs the 5th. So then I will start getting chemo on Thursdays.  For insurance purposes, you have to wait a week between chemos.  Or they said I could skip a week and go back to Wed.....NOT!!!  I want to get it over with!!

Nancy Webb (a friend here in Eldora) has a sister, Kris Miner, who has been diagnosed with an extremely rare form of Lymphoma and is in desperate need of a bone marrow transplant to survive. We are trying to help get the word out about how easy it is to register to be a donor, and how simple it is to possibly save a life.

Click one of the links below, you will have the opportunity to register to be a bone marrow donor. You will receive a mouth swab kit in the mail that you will use and send back. That is all you have to do to be registered. (If you are 18-45 and are Dutch or German, this increases the likelihood you are a match!)

The website to the National Marrow Donor Program is:

http://marrow.org/Home.aspx

The link for Kris Miner’s supporters to join is:

http://join.marrow.org/krisminer

Please take 5 minutes and register. It would be greatly appreciated by me, Nancy Webb’s family, and every other family who has someone waiting for a match.

Taxol Chemo - Round 6

Good news!  I was healthy enough to get the chemo this week, so I was glad for that.  The Nurse Practitioner gave me some advice on battling the low red blood cell counts and all the symptoms that go with it.  I need to drink more water....DUH!  I should have known that but sometimes I just don't get those 8 glasses in and chemo patients are suppose to have 16 glasses.  I might as well hook up the garden hose to my mouth and turn it on full blast.  I don't think I will ever make 16 glasses!  But I am going to consciously try to get as much water as I can.  I can also take some Vitamin B12.  And eat as many green leafy vegetables as possible.  I have found Vitamin C also gives me a some pep. So I feel much better today so I need to follow as many of those little tid-bits as I can!  I think I will pass on eating liver though.....blah!

We are going camping this weekend for Father's Day so I am really looking forward to getting out of the house and trying out our new camper for the first time.  I have to stay out of the sun, can't drink and can't smoke or do alot of phyical activity....wait, now why am I going camping????  Just kidding!  I will just talk, eat and be as obnoxious as possible...shouldn't be too hard!

Taxol Chemo - Round 5

I am a bit late on this posting.  I fear I jinxed myself as the chemo finally caught up with my awesomely fast red blood cells.  And because of this, made me feel yucky.  When your body is not making enough red blood cells then it doesn't get the oxygen to all parts of the body that it needs.  (red blood cells carry oxygen) and then you feel CRAPPY!  I really don't want to experience a low blood cell count many more times, although I know it will probably happen again and I will have to deal with it. Sometimes if it gets too low, you have to have a blood transfusion so that you can get those blood cells flowing normally.  I feel bad for my mom as she is anemic and I now know how she feels sometimes when she is in need of her B12 shot since her blood count is low at times.  It really sucks feeling that way.  Hard to breathe, bad headache, achey body, fatigue.  And my cognitive skills were so bad I thought I had suffered brain damage!!!!  But I am feeling much better today.  So hopefully everything is getting better, till the next chemo!!

Redneck Camping!

Mike and I finally bought a camper!  It's so exciting to finally have one as we have been talking about getting one for so long.  We did a little redneck camping the other night in our back yard in the camper.  If I could have only had a beer it would have been a perfect evening!!! LOL!  We bought a 5th wheel with a bunkhouse and a queen size bed so it's exactly what we were looking for.  It's a very nice camper and I am proud of my hubby for getting his rear-end off the pot and going to look at one after perusing the paper and other websites for several months!!  I think our first excursion will be Father's Day weekend.  What better way to celebrate Father's Day then to have Mike do all the work loading and unloading the camper?!  Remember I am too weak to do stuff....**cough, cough**.  Just kidding, I will help as much as I am able to!  I think Hadley will love it!

On a sad note, Palmer left to spend the summer with his dad on Saturday and I miss him like crazy already.  He likes to camp too, so I am hoping we can go for some long weekends in the fall or August when he gets back.  I guess it's blazing hot in Alabama right now, so he is loving it.  The kid loves hot weather!  Go figure!

My eyebrows and eyelashes are VERY sparse now and to be honest....look ridiculous.  I look a bit like I did a flaming shot and singed most of my brow...on both sides.  So the past few days I have been trying to pencil them in.  As a woman who has always had more than ample brows, I find this not very fun.  The pencils are very waxy and I find myself trying to pencil them in, while taking my last precious eyebrows off cuz the waxiness sticks to the hair.  I finally end up using a bit of light brown eyeshadow to just brush in and fill in where I need it.  It works for now, but I fear I need to find something a bit less messy for the future.  I do not mind having long eyelashes with the fake ones I apply, those are kind of nice.  I feel so Hollywood in them!  Hadley likes the butterfly kisses I give to her with the fake ones on...they must tickle more than my natural eyelashes!!  Silver lining my friends...silver lining.

Relay for Life....an Emotional Success!!!

As all of you may know (cuz I have been bragging about it for weeks!) Kristi Myers and I were honorary co-chairs of the Relay for Life Hardin County held on June 1st.  First of all it was a beautiful day to get together and honor those that have survived cancer and remember those that have not.  It was nice to be able to walk around the track and talk and get to know other survivors or family members of those that lost their battle.  I got to see so many people that I haven't seen in a long time....mainly because I hibernate at my house and do not socialize much.  I have to remember to start getting out more!  There was lots of activities for the kids and they seemed to be having a ball.  I know Palmer was wiped at the end of the day...he played and walked hard all day!

Kristi and I also gave a speech which was a lot harder and way more emotional than I thought it would be.  But it felt good to talk to everyone and let them know my story.  It was VERY emtional to lead all the survivors in the survivors lap.  I cried all the way around the track and then cried some more when we let the balloons go into the sky and then cried some more when they were taking our picture.  What an emotional evening!  And don't even get me started on the luminaries....I cried some more looking at the luminaries that people bought in my honor and at the luminaries of those we have lost and my friends who are battling cancer or who have survived cancer...it was so humbling and overwhelming.  Thank you to those who donated a luminary to my name...it means so much to me!

Relay for life raised over $97,0000 and we will probably be closer to $100K by the time all the donations are received....a record for Hardin County!!!  It's so awesome!

I sun-burned my head through my scarf though on Friday!!  What a bone-head I am sometimes!  I have a small circle on my head that is bright red and will probably peel.....you never think to put sunscreen on something that is covered, but I guess I will have to remember to do that!!  It looks so dorky!

Taxol Chemo - Round 5 - DID NOT HAPPEN!

I went in for chemo today and got my port flushed and blood drawn.  When the dr. saw my labs I was given a week reprieve from chemo as my red blood cell count was too low to continue another round and they wanted to give me a break to see if it would come back up.  I almost had a heart attack as I thought he was going to say I needed a blood transfusion and that is something that I have been afraid of since I started the whole process.  So sadly, I think this will put me a week behind schedule :(  But I guess if my body can't handle it then a break it is for me!  Tomorrow morning I have to fast and go to the Iowa Falls hospital and get my blood drawn to see if I have a B12 deficiency or anything wrong with my heart.  I am betting it's the chemo making it low and I have also been acting like I don't have cancer lately and doing WAYYYYY too much, so I probably better act like a sick person and take it easy.   That is going to be  hard since I have been feeling so good lately.  I have been extremely fatigued though in the past couple of days, so I should have known something was not right.  Cancer bites!

Don't forget to join Kristi and I at Relay for Life Hardin County on June 1st at the South Hardin Track in Eldora.  We will have our "I'm Too Sexy For My Hair" tent there and we will be there with refreshments and our smiling faces....bald heads and all!  Don't forget to bring your lawn chairs and coolers and warm clothing in case it gets cold.  I am glad it won't be too hot as I would be a "sweaty Betty" and no one wants to witness that.  Kristi and I will give our speeches later on that evening so come out and join us and buy all kinds of fundraising items to help support the cure for cancer!! 

Also, I have the "I'm Too Sexy for My Hair" t-shirts if you ordered one, please pick them up before Friday or I will also have them at our tent.  The cost is $14 each.  See you soon!

Also...please pray for Bonnie Nyce. She is the the hospital in Dubuque with a perforated bowel and was in the ICU.  I have heard she is doing much better but she still needs our daily doses of prayers to make her as good as new.  Praying for you Bonnie....get well soon so I can tell you a good joke in person.  (you have to see my facial expressions during the joke to truly appreciate the humor...)

Taxol Chemo - Round 4

Yesterday was chemo and I can report it gets better all the time. Dianna Haywood took me to this appointment and I was kept laughing by all her family and friend stories. It sounds like there is never a dull moment in that house!!  She also took me out to eat to Carlos O'Kelly's -- yum...and I could taste it!!  I have been having problems for a few weeks now not being able to taste very many things so it's been frustrating.  Most people that have the taste problem usually lose a lot of weight as they feel since they can't taste anything, they just don't eat.....well NOT ME!!!  I just keep eating, then trying another thing to eat,then another...hoping I will taste something!! It never works and I end up gaining 5 lbs.....man....cancer sucks!

To all of you that ordered tshirts from me (I'm Too Sexy for My Hair t-shirts) I have them at my house...cost is $14 per shirt.  Just call me or text me to let me know you are coming so I can put a hat on....my bald head is not for the human eye!!!  LOL!

T-shirts

I am going to have the t-shirts at my house by this evening (Tues May 22nd).  If you get a chance to stop over and pick them up this week that would be great.  I will not be home on Thursday night this week as we have to turn in our money and pick up the Relay for Life t-shirts that night.  If you ordered a Relay for Life T-shirt also, I will have those too at my house by Thursday night (May 24).  I will be swimming in t-shirts so come and get them from me.  Call or text first so I know when you are coming...and try not to breathe on me!! LOL!!

Tshirt pick up

For those of you who ordered t-shirts, we originally were going to have a pick up on Monday May 21st at Kristi Myers house.  We are not going to do it then as Kristi is not going to be home!  So I will post again in the next day or so as to when the t-shirts can be picked up.

Taxol Chemo - Round 3

This last chemo I was completely knocked out....zonked.  My sister took me to this one and I warned her I would be good to converse with for about 20 minutes or so before I started to slur my words...I think it only took me 10 minutes.  And my sister fell asleep too, so that tells you how boring it is!!  LOL --- It was great to have my sister take the day off so she could take me. We had alot of fun....once we woke up!! We ate lunch then did a bit of shopping (I am still a shopaholic, much to my husband's dismay)  I don't think it's really the money I spend, (well I am sure that has something to do with it) but it's my heaping closet that he doesn't like, as well as the totes, and bags of clothes.....he thinks I am a clothes hoarder and he may be right but I would never admit that to him.  I love clothes and shoes...it's as simple as that!  Hey, I already had to give up drinking, smoking, and hair management....I think I am allowed this last bit of fun that I can actually do!!!

So my sister got educated on the chemo process.  We were laughing about my sparse eyebrows and they have sort of turned an ugly shade of gray so they are a bit weird looking.  My sister said she wished she would have kept the hair that she donated to the locks of love so she could have given it to me so that I could make a wig out of it.  My sister's hair is SUPER thick and if I can't wear the Jacklyn Smith ultra-lite wiglet.....then I could never wear my sister's thick human hair....I am already sweltering thinking about it.  And really, human hair kind of grosses me out....even if it is a relatives hair.  Ick.

The I'm Too Sexy for My Hair, Team Laurie and Kristi t-shirts came in.  We are having a pick up time of Monday night (May 21st) at Kristi's house starting at 5:30pm.  If you are unable to pick up your shirt at that time, please let us know so we can make other arrangements.  Can't wait to see alot of you at Relay for Life...thanks for donating and supporting the team!

Happy Mother's Day (well yesterday...)

A belated Happy Mother's Day to all you mother's out there...and hey, we deserve it! Yesterday my darling son and daughter gave me a photo frame with a couple of pics in it of me and my kids....the frame said "Live, Laugh, Love...." of course I bawled (in private)- I think it scares Palmer to see me cry.  It was so touching and although I have a sneaking suspicion that my mother had something to do with it, I am so grateful to be my kids' mother. 

We went to eat lunch at the Pizza Ranch which was really nice.  Hadley had a great time eating hundreds of green beans and dropping mashed potatoes down her front.  It was good to get out of the house, but I am still a bit paranoid of germs.  I am petrified I will get sick.  I think I just have a phobia right now and hopefully it will go away after chemo.  I must admit, I understand those weirdos now that won't leave their house.  I hope I never become one of them....but I do understand.  I think too many people would miss me if I never left my house.....HA!!!

I also got another gift yesterday...everyone left me alone for a couple of hours so I could have a nap....while I never did fall asleep, I certainly enjoyed the vegging time....so thanks hubby and kids, I appreciate it!

Taxol Chemo - Round 2

I am happy to report that I am HALF-WAY through my treatments as of yesterday!! Woo hooooooo!!! Only 10 more weeks to go! Once again I was unable to blog again yesterday as the Benadryl they give me before the Taxol knocks me out!! Then the Taxol wakes me up as it gives me "early labor type" pains in my legs and stomach...I know yuck right???!!! But once the treatment is over, I don't feel that anymore, other than really tired and hungry! I guess that is a good thing. Yesterday I signed Palmer up for 5th and 6th grade football....which he loves! We have to sign them up now so they can get equipment ordered. Palmer cannot wait. It starts in August and I am so happy I won't be doing chemo anymore so that will help in running him around here and there for football. It's funny how I gauge everything on if I will be having chemo or won't be having chemo...maybe I am starting to look at making plans again....that's a good sign. Kristi Myers and I have team t-shirts that we are going to order for our Relay for Life team. Please let me know by tomorrow 5/11 if you want one cuz I have to order them ASAP to get them in by June 1st. I think they will be around $15 or so. They are awesome!

I jinxed myself!

Ok, yes I am 42 years old and I still believe in the "Jinx"....I probably always will. If I say something at the same time as someone else I always yell JINX! Even now I do it and my son looks at me like I am crazy! Evidently they don't do that anymore at school, nor do they have cooties or other childhood made-up games. I guess we were a bit more imaginative. But I jinxed myself by talking about how good I felt after chemo on Wednesday. I guess the Benadryl wore off cuz I felt poopy on Saturday...all day. But I was better on Sunday. So I will take one day of feeling crappy over the last round of nasty chemo. Even though I did jinx myself, I am hoping it's only for one day a week. I can sooooo deal with that, but not the cooties.

Phase II Chemo - Taxol Round 1

I didn't post yesterday because I was too sleepy at chemo!! They give you a bag of Benadryl which knocked my butt out!! Taxol has so far been pretty good to me. Dr. Yoda said that is would be a "piece of cake" compared to the last stuff I had so I found that to be very reassuring. And knock on wood, but I feel just fine today, the DAY after chemo!! Who would have thunk it???? I am so glad too, I feel like a productive member of society now!! I will continue to lose hair, not that I have much left but I am hoping to retain my eyelashes and eyebrows, but I don't think that will happen.....I am not looking forward to returning to my nickname "Lashless Laurie". I lost my eyelashes one summer in a drinking accident....don't ask, we'll just keep it as simple as that. And everyone called me Lashless Laurie that summer and I didn't enjoy the nickname. But I have to admit it was kind of funny! We are attempting to get our own team t-shirts made for Relay for Life. They will say "I'm Too Sexy for my Hair" so if you have not signed up online, let me or Kristi Myers know if you would like to be on our team so we can order you a t-shirt, ASAP! Cuz we need to order them soon! Relay for Life is June 1st from 11am - 11pm, South Hardin Track in Eldora.

I Look Like......

I have decided who I remind myself of with my bald head. That annoying pre-school cartoon character who Palmer use to watch all the time on Iowa Public Television and now who Hadley just loves....CAILOU! I remember watching that show with Palmer and I had a hard time with that character and his little whiney voice....it was worse than Barney! I use to tell Palmer that the cable wasn't working sometimes just to avoid watching that show!! I know, I lied to my poor little child!! But I needed some sanity! Isn't it ironic how karma has now blasted me in the butt for doing that with me being Cailou's twin now and all......gotta love karma.

Just a little poison......

I am happy to report that I am feeling better.  Not 100% by any means but a lot better than the past few days.  I told my father-in-law this morning that if I had to go back this Wednesday and get that nasty chemo (I call it the RED-DEVIL, cuz the chemo is red) that he would have to go get his horse's bridle and a rope and drag me in that way cuz I wouldn't GO!!!  But I go this Wednesday for what is called Taxol chemo.  It should be better in two ways....1.)  It's only 1 drug!  2.)  It is not suppose to be as strong and causes less side effects.  So now instead of a mass poisoning my body, I will just get poisioning in my body.  I guess I'll take any plus side that I can get!  Oh.....and I can add a 3rd bonus....no more Neulasta shots the day after chemo.  Halleluejah!!!  That will help a ton!

So Tues/Wed --midnight, I have to take 5 pill of steroids. Then at 6am on Wed of chemo I have to take 5 more.  They make you do that so that you don't have a violent allergic reaction to the taxol, in case you are allergic to it.  I am not sure which is worse.....the roid rage or the allergic reaction??? Just kidding.  I don't have roid rage.....just mom rage.  I sure hope that if I do have the allergic reaction that it happens there while I am close to medical attention.  I don't want to scare my kids with my eyes swollen shut and my tongue hanging out of my mouth!

Thank you again to everyone that has called, emailed, FB, sent cards, text.  I haven't felt much like talking or getting back to anyone but I will soon.  Just needed some down time.  I love you all and hopefully will be out and about seeing all of you soon!

I use to be a Planner.....

I quit making plans.  I think it started this week.  For the first time in my life I quit planning what happens next in my life as well as my family's life.  I am a total planner too.  I use to have almost every weekend planned.  Now I don't plan anything because I am too afraid of being sick, and I HATE it.  I have been avoiding people too, my friends and family.  I don't want to be around them when I am sick...how depressing.  I feel sorry for my kids and my husband cuz I feel like such a burden on them and I know that is wrong to feel on so many levels but it's what breast cancer has made me feel like and it is depressing and you do go to dark places. I really hate chemo and am having panic attacks about having to go to my next one, even though I know it is the start of the "better" chemo and not the really bad one.  So I am having a bad, feel sorry for myself day.  BUT, I am going to grab a tissue, wipe my eyes, blow my nose and pick out a bigger pair of underwear......cuz it's time I put my BIG GIRL PANTIES on and get better.

Relay for Life....More info!

Tam Elerding who does a super job with coordinating Relay for Life and works her bootie off for it, asked me to post this on my blog and I was more than happy to oblige.....

Hello Hardin County Relay For Life Team Captains!!

Next week we will be ordering t-shirts, please turn in  your team’s t-shirt sizes to Tam Elerding by Wednesday, April 25th by 5:00pm. Call or text Tam at 515.689.2352 or e-mail her at tsbytam@netins.net  (Team members are eligible for a t-shirt with the imprint pictured above if they have raised $50 or more for the relay.)

We have 43 days for each team member to raise at least $50 – I am very confident each one can do it!

Did you know that there are going to be 120 NEW cases of cancer in Hardin County this year. We are walking and fighting for those people suffering from cancer right here in Hardin County.
Need some quick and fun fundraising ideas?? Attached are some ideas that will help your team be a top fundraising team this year! Every dollar we raise we take a step towards more birthdays and less cancer!  “Happy Birthday is our Victory Song”
Bank Night is scheduled for Thursday, May 24th from 5pm-7pm at Hardin County Savings Bank in Eldora. Come turn in all of your fundraising dollars, pick up your incentive sheets, get any of those last minute Relay questions answered and pick up t-shirts for those team members who raised $50 or more!
THANK YOU so much for all of the work you do. The money you raise help people in your communities beat cancer!
 Celebrating Birthdays!


Tam Elerding
PO Box 233
Hubbard, IA  50122
515-689-2352
www.relayforlife.org/hardincountyia
Relay For Life of Hardin County
Friday, June 1, 11:00 am to 11:00 p.m.
All night vigil until Saturday, June 2, 5:00 a.m.

Chemo - Round 4!

This is my last NASTY chemo, so I am excited! I still have 12 more weeks of a less nasty drug.  I will go every week starting May 2nd.  I should not be as sick on this next drug, so am really looking forward to that!  Dianna Haywood is my driver today for chemo and is with me getting educated on the chemo process. We are also laughing so hard about her family and my family....what a hoot.  It's been nice talking about the old days and my days in Union and having fun at the golf course in Union.  We have all had some very memorable and fun times that's for sure!!  Dianna and Deanna, who are twins have been like big sisters to me for many years.  I have two older brothers and one younger sister so it's been really nice having them in my life, especially when I made some really dumb decisions.....and I made many!! LOL!  Dianna and I talked about our fathers who have been gone but not forgetten for 10 years and 5 years respectively.   I miss them both so much.  My dad would have been so proud of how far I have come and my choice of husband and children.  He would have loved Hadley, as he loved Palmer with the time he spent with him.  He would love watching Palmer play football, even though his advice would be to hit the other kids in the knee caps...yeah he liked to play dirty!!!  And I miss Buster, Di and De's dad.  I have such a special place in my heart for him.  He always made me feel like I had the world by the tail and I could do anything I wanted to do if I put my mind to it....and he was right.  He was such a fun guy with a huge heart.  So Di and I had a good time and she also took me to lunch as well as bringing supper for me so she really gets a gold star for the day!

Music Concert Tonight

Palmer has a music concert tonight....which he told me about last night around 8:30pm.  Luckily, I am use to this as I have passed on the procrastination gene to my dear son, so he comes by it honestly.  He has been practicing the guitar with his music teacher so I am curious to see what kind of performance he will do.  One thing about Palmer is that he can sing, but he doesn't want anyone to know it and he really doesn't like an audience so we will have to get my phone charged so I can video some of it.  I am kind of excited to see the performance now!  The last time I heard him sing, it was when he was showering as he always belts out a concert for us, mainly because he doesn't know we are listening.  I should video tape that too, not him in the shower!  But of the musical performance....it's a hoot to listen too!

I Feel Good....Na Na Na Na Na Na Nat

I knew that I would now.........Na Na Na Na Na Na Nat......so good, umph, upmh.....so good umph, umph

Ok, I do feel good...maybe not "James Brown" good, but pretty darn good.  I am glad to be over the nastiness for a while at least.  So for the next few days I have decided to put cancer on the back burner!  I am going to talk about better things than that!

Summer plans.  I have none yet, but I am going to get me some!  LOL  --- hopefully we can do a little traveling with the little one.  Palmer will be in Alabama with his dad by the beginning of June.  I will miss him.  He's so mature and funny and really witty.  I like that about it him, he's fun to converse with.  (when he's not being mouthy)  I know he loves going down there and visiting his family but I can't help but miss the little critter when he's gone.  I would love to go to Adventureland this year but I have found as I age I get sick on anything that goes even 180 degrees around and that I may lose my $10 hamburger that I just had bought and eaten there.  But you gotta love Adventureland!  I can go on the roller coasters though, for some reason those don't bother me.  I will just have to wear a hat with a chin strap.  Might as well put me in a helmet and a scooter while you are at.

Relay for Life 2012

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY12MW?px=27208228&pg=personal&fr_id=38592

Here is the link to donate and/or join my Team!!!  Would love to have you! 

Back at work today, I feel like a normal person finally!!  Although I have only had a few hours sleep...yes insomnia last night.....darn it's hard getting old!!! LOL!!  I needed to exercise my brain though, I am getting so stupid!  And blind, and hard of hearing.  I swear the chemo is affecting my brain cells and I really don't have many to spare anymore!!  I use to be so on the ball and now I have Palmer correcting me because I can't think of the right word or I said something really stupid!! LOL!!  Oh well I should not worry about it, it's only going to get worse!  Hopefully my brain can recuperate though, I don't think I can handle being stupid the rest of my life.

I cannot lie......

When I decided to write the blog, I knew that I wanted to tell you how things were going, not in complete detail (believe me, you do NOT want to know all the details!! LOL!) but I vowed to myself I would "keep it real."  Starting Friday I have felt like complete and utter....well CRAP.   No other way to describe it.  The chemo really got to me and I felt the effects.  I saw the look in Mike and my mom's eyes when they looked at me and I knew I looked as bad as I felt.  You could tell they were shocked by my appearance.  I do now look like a cancer patient....whatever in anyone's mind that might look like....but in my mind I am the perfect stereotype of what I think they look like.   But DO NOT feel sorry for me....I would hate that.  In my mind....this poison is WORKING!!!  That keeps me going.   It's zapping me while it's zapping the cancer.  So keep emailing, texting, calling, facebooking, mailing cards.  I love to read everything everyone writes. 

On a more fun note....Kristi Myers and I were named the Honorary Co-chairs of the Hardin  County Relay for Life on June 1st.  What an honor for the both of us.  We get to give speeches...wow, I'm really gonna hate that!  HA!

Yoga......

Y = You

O = Oh

G = Goodness

A = Aren't

FLEXIBLE LAURIE!!!!

I decided to try some yoga yesterday a few hours after chemo because I have heard it helps with nausea, muscle soreness and fatigue.  I was definitely willing to try it if it could ease those symptoms.  So I got out my yoga mat, brushed off the dust and began. To my pleasant surprise it did help ease the nausea and helped with my breathing.  It also felt good to stretch my body a little bit.  But I am so NOT flexible at all!!  I have realized how out of shape my body actually is.  But at least I was trying with baby steps.  During the work-out I would skip the ones I knew I would never get out of once I was in the pose!  So I opted for the easier more relaxing ones.  I am going to keep trying it as it did make me feel a bit better and who knows, maybe I will be able to touch my toes again!!

The yoga did not help me sleep though, unfortunately.  I have luggage under my eyes...not bags...luggage.  I just couldn't get a good nights rest.  I guess it's because I feel like I have the flu and I don't sleep well when I feel sick.  Today I got get my Neulasta shot which will make me hibernate so hopefully I will lose that luggage like the airport!!  (sorry couldn't resist!)

I finally got a smart phone, so have been posting a lot more to facebook.  Thank you to all of you for your love and support.  I read every one of your posts and have been overwhelmed by the love, prayers and support of all my family and friends.  I am so grateful to you all.  God Bless you!

Chemo - Round 3

Mike and I are at chemo right now, doesn't Mike look really enthused?? LOL!  They are running a bit late today as there are a ton of us getting chemo or blood treatments today.  Poor nurses!!  They are running their little booties off!  I am glad the weather has cooled off  a little as I am not sweating on my bald head, which is really gross I might add.  I am quite comfortable in a do rag and ball cap.  Mike is sitting here pretty bored actually.  I think he would be much more happy in a deer stand, sitting there with nothing to do.  Go figure.