My Baby is Sick Today

Normally if my daughter was sick I would just stay home and try to love on her and make her well again.  But my game plan has to change since I cannot get sick with anything while my immune system is so low.  I think my son Palmer probably worries about it more than me.  "Are you going to get sick Mom?"  he asks.  "Not if you wash your grimy hands", I answer and laugh. That usually makes him feel better.  Not being able to mother like I know I am able has been the hardest part.  Sometimes the kids do the funniest things and I don't even laugh......what the heck is wrong with me?  My kids are hysterical!  I know it's just the chemo funk, but hopefully it gets better cuz it sucks.  And I hope my baby gets better cuz it sucks not being able to love on her. 

Relay for Life - Join my team or donate!!!

People have been asking how to join our team or donate for Relay for Life 2012 Hardin County.  This link will take you to our team page to join or donate.  Thanks so much for your support!  Thank you to Heart of Iowa for Sponsoring our Team "I'm Too Sexy for My Hair". 

Here is the link http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY12MW?pg=team&fr_id=38592&team_id=1157157

Never thought I would be wearing a "do" rag....

I think all the people that can make the "do" rag rock are awesome.....I just don't happen to be one of them.  But boy is it comfortable!!!  I bought some cotton headband thingys at walmart and then put the handkerchief on my head and it's so much cooler then anything else to have on your head.....so liberating!!! LOL!!  It's the closest you can probably get to walking around bald, yet in comfort and discreetness.

I am still taking my towel and rubbing my non-exisistent hair.  Call it a 40 year habit, but I just keep doing it.  Seems silly that I still do it, but I forget that I don't have that hair there!!!  Leg hair is getting quite faint too and I must say that is another plus.  I know TMI, Laurie....but I have to give you some of the perks so you can be jealous of me for SOMETHING!!!

Chemo Round 2 --- Round goes to Chemo today

The 4th day after chemo is kicking my booty.  I am tired and pretty much just blah, tummy-wise. 
So I thought it might help take my mind off things to blog a little.  Then I will probably nap. LOL!  I feel like such a lazy butt some days but boy is the energy gone.  I am kinda missing those days when I could stay up til 2am and party and be to work by 7:30am --- I could not even IMAGINE doing that at this point (and as far as that goes EVER!)   No, those days are gone, but that's ok. 

I am finding that "chemo brain" has hit me hard.  I don't think it helps that I was pregnant not that long ago and developed "pregnesia" --- forgetfulness, long pauses trying to find the word you want to use, going into a room and not knowing how you got there or what you were looking for.  Yup, that's me right now.  Doing simple math on my phone calculator was making my head hurt.  Yes, I am a real moron right now, I would say typical blonde but I don't want to insult the blondes right now...nor do I have any hair anyway to say that about myself!  HAAAAA!   I do have to say I found some rockin' scarves to wear on  my head that don't make me look too ridonculous!  Some just make me look like Aunt Jamima.....but that's ok!

Don't forget to check out the  Relay for Life links on the blog!

Relay for Life - Hardin County June 1st

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?px=27208228&pg=personal&fr_id=38592

This link should take you to my Relay for Life page.  I am just learning about everything so be patient with me.  I would love for anyone that wants to become a team member to just go ahead and sign up online, that would be great.  I am also looking for Sponsers so would welcome any and all.  Thanks for everyone's support, it means a great deal to me. Remember our Team name is:  I'm Too Sexy for my Hair

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY12MW?sid=128521&type=fr_informational&pg=informational&fr_id=38592

This is the link to Sponser (up above).  There is a local number for you to call.  Thanks so much - us girls appreciate it.

Hangover -- Part II

Not the movie, Hangover II --No I will not be in Bangkok, getting "ruffied" and getting a tatoo on my eye (although if that made me feel better then I would seriously give it some thought) No, this is how I feel after the chemo and the Nuelasta shot. You HAVE to have the shot though to boost your blood cell counts so it is a must.  I wish it didn't make me feel so crummy.  I call it Hangover Hibernation.  I am sure most of you know that I have suffered from my fair share of Hangovers...so I know how they feel, but I don't have to like it.  I didn't even get to experience the fun of getting drunk and telling people my whole life story in a really loud voice (I seem to lose my hearing when I drink--hee hee) or wondering where that mystery bruise came from, or my favorite..... belting out a Patsy Cline song like I am channeling her spirit and singing it not even close to the real way Patsy does during Karaoke night when I have one too many.....I miss those days, but not the hangover part.  So soon, I will be out for the count for a couple more days.  But it does get better, I just have to remember that.

On a more positive note....Happy Birthday to my brother-in-law Jon....it was actually yesterday but I wanted him to get a shout out in the blog!!  Hope you had an awesome b-day.  Jon is married to my sister Christy.  Christy has been thru her own health crisis in the past 2 1/2 years and she is finally starting to feel better so that makes me feel much better not having to worry about her.  I did get a wonderful birthday card from her which I am going to share with you (WARNING: you might want to grab a tissue)

On the front of the card are a couple of girls that actually look a lot like Christy and I when we were little!  On the front it says:   I had the greastest friend when I was a little kid......I'm so lucky.
On the back it says:  And I get to keep her for the rest of my life.

Ok, tears are rolling down my eyes.....it was such a sweet message and I just let the waterworks go!

Here we go again....CHEMO Round 2

CHEMO!  Round 2 Here is Kristi Myers and I at my 2nd chemo treatment.  We are a couple of baldies with berets and scarves!  But we are fashionable of course.  They are changing my nasuea medication today so I am getting that right now.  Also, I only have to take 1/2 the steroids this time --YEAH!!  Dr. Yoda (hee hee) thinks that is what is causing my episodes.

I did shave my head on Monday.  So I have gone 2 days now with no hair. The first day I wore a wig and hat......and that was HOT!!!   So today I opted for the sparkly gray beret.  I have to admit, I don't really like being bald but when I don't have anything on my head it's so cool (not cool in a "you are soooo cool way", but cool temperature wise).  And it takes NO time at all to get ready in the mornings!!  That I must admit, is a bonus.

I think I am falling apart, I have an infection in my left breast right now.  It's still trying to heal so I have to irrigate it with peroxide and take yet another pill, antibiotic.  I was feeling flu like this weekend so that was why, because of the infection.  Now I will get the chemo and feel like crap for the next few days....not looking forward to that, but it's what I signed up for!!! Extra bonus though on this new anti-naseua drug...it really mellows me.......just CHILLAXIN' now......woot woot!

Hair WARNING...2012

The hair Watch has now been upgraded to a Warning.  Hairspotters spotted chipmunk tail size chunks of hair on countertops, black sweaters, bathroom sinks and the ever dreaded shower trap.  You are advised to take immediate COVER of any of your food in the vicinity of my head.  Large tufts of hair are set to give way late tonight and we may wake to a pillow of 2-3 inches of hair accumulation.  Oh what the hell, I'm going to go buzz it off. 

The hair accumulation before buzzing it off......EWWWWW!


Ok, I buzzed it off...BIG change.....so I won't be posting a pic quite yet.....but give me some time!

Hair Watch.....2012

Well I am happy to report that I still have my hair.  Although it feels like someone sprayed Round-up on it and it's slowly dying....it's still here!!  Last night (since I couldn't sleep) I tried on a couple of my wigs and hats.  I looked RIDONCULOUS!!!!  But I must say it was fun to experiment.  It's amazing the things we will do to cover our heads.  I can already tell that everything is going to be HOT (and NOT super sexy hot, but temperature hot).  I am already planning on buying myself a portable fan to carry with me.....maybe a couple of them.  And maybe a squirt bottle to hose myself down. 

This weekend I stayed with my mom and step-dad Al, as Mike was out of town.  The kids and I played and played outside.  (well they played and I attempted to play with them) Hadley and I walked to the park and played on the slide and swings while Palmer played basketball.  Hadley got her first skinned knee and didn't even cry.....she's going to be a tough cookie...with no fear.  Great! Thought I would try to get as much playing time with them as I could since the weather has been so nice and I have energy right now.  Wednesday was the first day I could start exercising.  So I am starting out slow.  Walking is good....I would crawl if it wouldn't hurt my knees.....but walking is a good start!

INSOMINA!!!!

Insomnia.....Not the song, it's my nighttime routine the past few nights.  How frustrating.  First I go from Hibernation to Insomina.....how does that work? Well I will tell you my theory......My body was in gross overload hibernation last week and slept and gathered all that body fat and energy (and boy could you see it around my spare tire section!!)  Now that my body has reached its peak of rest, it likes to sit there at night and feed off all the fat and blubber that has accumulated and boy does it get energy from that!  Unfortunately my body wants to stay up so it makes my mind go in all different directions.  So I don't sleep.  That is my reasoning for it, but as you can see I am a nut job right now and have medical insanity.  So don't read too much into that.  The night before last I was imagining my chemo as little guys with Magic Erasers and bleach cleaning all the cells inside my body.  It hurts like hell to have your skin on the outside of your body scrubbed with Magic Erasers and bleach so that is why the chemo is a bitch to your insides!!!  Remember, I am a lunatic right now though.....stupid cancer.

My Three Rock Stars........

Who can be sick with these three at home!!!  I haven't even wore my wig yet and here Mike is Rockin' it......Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......channeling Nirvana.

NOT a wig!!!!

Yesterday I had to go to Dr. Duven's office (breast surgeon) to get the stitches out of the cyst he removed from the top of my head.  I started the day by getting my blood drawn by a really creepy guy at Covenant.  Not sure who the guy is but as far as blood drawing...he's in the right business...creepy.  Anyway, as the nurse was prepaing me at Dr. Duven's office, she mentioned that I had a GREAT wig.  I thought to myself....how the hell am I going to answer this one????  So I said, "Well that is awesome considering it's my own FREAKIN' hair still!"  The nurse was horrified and I guess it's in my nature to make people feel better cuz this is what I said "That's ok, cuz none of my friends can tell the difference between my wig and my real hair!!!"  That is a total lie....NONE of my friends have said that and you can TOTALLY tell the wig that I  bought, is a WIG!!  And what is worse is I have hardly lost any hair.  I still have a pretty good head of hair!! Darn that "helmet and mushroom hair-do" that I tease to a prestine volume!!!  That is my down-fall, right there!!!  Anyway, I had a good laugh and I wasn't too mortified by it. 

So yesterday was also my 42nd birthday. Thank you to everyone who sent FB messages, texts, cards, phone calls.....it was so awesome. I felt like the popular girl!!   But yesterday started some new symptoms.  I call them "Episodes" as that word is easier than "pain that generates in your abdomin and then riddles your whole body until you can't breathe or move."  See....much easier to say Episodes.  My first episode was about 6:00 last night.  I was sitting there and all of a sudden this pain that feels like a fist is coming into your stomach and trying to pull out the lining of your stomach through your chest wall. That is the only way I can describe it.  It only lasts about 5 minutes but boy is it painful and uncomfortable.  I felt bad for Mike for having to watch me go through one.  We both went searching for some answers on it and I think it's that you have so much medication in you (oral and intraveneous) that there is a little black cauldron pot in your stomach that just heats and churns all that medication and then it explodes into your body.  I am sure that is not it, but it makes me feel better thinking that is what is going on!  Hopefully I won't have too many more of those....stupid cancer.

Hibernation....minus the hairy bear

I am finally up today after the 20th nap I have had.  It's crazy!  I am good for about 10 or 20 minutes and then I feel like I just danced and jogged a 5K and have to lay down.  (don't be fooled, my dancing consists of incredibly foolish bar moves and I have never ran a 5K in my life --- I just IMAGINE that is how tired I would be.)  And for the most part I am VERY tired.  The drugs really do knock you out.  Not that I wasn't prepared for it, but I always like to think that I might defy the odds....not this time.

On a more fun note.....Happy Birthday to my sister Christy McCloud Porter!  Hope you have a great day Sis!

The Hangover....Part I

I did pretty well yesterday before, during and a bit after chemo.  About 3 hours after the drugs were coarsing through my body.  I started to feel car sick nauseous, then pregancy nauseous, then just down right pukey.  Like I had a bad hangover.  With a headache to boot!  So I was feeling not too great last night.  Like I had the flu.  And I am tired today.  I went with my friend Angie Klaver to get my Neulasta shot (which by the way burns!) and they said I would feel kind of achy in the bones.  I was like oh great! LOL!  But I do feel kind of blah which I expected.  Just trying to stay ahead of the nausea so that doesn't get the best of me as I think that would make me grumpy and I don't like to be grumpy.  But I can say for the first chemo treatment, I feel not as bad as I thought I would.  Just need to sleep as I am exhausted.  So all texts, emails, calls etc will be answered later today!!!  Talk to you all soon!  P.S.   I got a really cute red beret at the Cancer Centter, they have a table of FREE hats!

The Other Big "C" Word.....Chemo

Well today is the big day...CHEMO!  They have big comfy chairs, heated blankets, free Wi Fy, cable and lots of room to blog and just relax. It's better than the airport!!!! So far nothing hurts, nothing is uncomfortable and I am actually doing really well. I  have my fruit punch slushee to keep my mouth hydrated....don't want mouth sores.  They flushed the port before taking blood and the saline they used to clean it tasted like garbage in my mouth. Not that I have eaten smelly garbage right from the trash, but that is what I am assuming it would taste like.  Only another hour here and I am done.  They  put the red medicine in (the one that turns your pee pink!) and they had to monitor it so that it doesn't get all over your skin or surrounding tissues cuz it can burn and destroy them.  I am in a room by myself and my mom is with me.  She just went to the mall to look at a few things and bring us pretzels.  yum!  So far I can say the experience is not as scary as I thought it would be.  The side effects are what I am going to monitor and keep my own personal journal on so the doctors and nurses can help me through them. So far I feel good (knock on wood....I am knocking on my head right now, but you can't see me!! Ha!)  Will blog more later, when I actually have something to report....I know, hard to believe I don't have something more to say!

Palmer comes home today.  He was suppose to fly out yesterday, but his flight was delayed in Alabama so it would have been bad for all his connectiting flights, and with him traveling alone, I felt it best that they try to get him out today.  My brother-in-law is picking him up for me so all is good.  Can't wait to see him!

Not a wig...this is my real hair!  I know...it's big...go big or go home...right Hadley?!

Hadley says, "I have big girl hair too!"  **Fist bump**

People are IDIOTS!!

I had to go to Waterloo yesterday for a few different appointments.  After reviewing my CT scan, Dr. Singh found a cyst on the top of my head.  Remember that spot on my head that I thought was a mole and how ridiculous it was going to look with a bald head??  Well it turned out to be a cyst....nothing to be concerned about but he wanted me to have it removed by Dr. Duven my breast surgeon.  It was a piece of cake, I felt nothing so that was a pretty easy procedure.  But I bled all over my hair.  And we couldn't get it out, and I forgot my hat. So I walked around with blood in my hair.  And guess what....no one even looked twice at me or was concerned....go figure!! LOL!

I had another appt for Chemo Class so as I was driving to it, the guy in front of me kept swerving and going really slow, then speeding up, going in the other lane, etc.  I thought he might be texting.  So my main goal was to just get by him and away from him. I saw my chance as he changed to the other lane and as I was going by him, he swerved into my lane and almost side swiped me!!!  I looked over, ready to give a really vulgar gesture and saw that he was looking in his rear-view mirror and CUTTING HIS HAIR with a pair of scissors.....WHILE DRIVING!  Idiot!  I thought to myself, here I am spending all my time and energy to fight my cancer when it all could have ended by a self-proclaimed barber cutting his hair in a beat up Ford Taurus......like I said....IDIOT!

Ports, expanders, and chemo.....OH MY!!

Ok.... to say that I haven't been overwhelmed in the last couple weeks, even the last few days....is an understatement.  I have been a crazy woman!!  I have had some melt downs, some pity parties, some snapping at my hubby.  I am just not sure what to think somedays.  I received my perscriptions from the pharmacist Donna and as she was explaining ALL the drugs to keep track of and what their functions are....I burst into tears.  I felt bad for her as it was completely out of the blue.  Even I was surprised.  My friend Stacy happened to come in to pick up her perscription too, which was so random...since basically she's seen me cry several times.  Needless to say, I did lose it that day, but in my defense, I blame it on lack of sleep since I had been up since 3:30am to take Palmer to the airport to go see his dad.  But I guess I have to learn to forgive myself, cuz I am going to have those days and hopefully if I snap at anyone and hurt their feelings I can blame on it an out of body experience due to stress and chemo.  Today I go to chemo class....maybe they will help me deal with my anxiety.  If not, there is a pill they gave me for that!! Ha!