Imagine My Surprise......

Like 99.9% of women, I was scheduled to have a routine mammogram for my 40th year.  Well, the procrastinator that I am....I had to wait, cuz I was pregnant.  (Yes I procrastinate with marriage and children too)  As I was sitting in my office at work looking at the calendar and thinking, "I should really schedule that mammogram sometime....Hadley is 1 year old now and I have procrastinated long enough"  So I made the appt and had it.  Then they called me back again for another one and an ultrasound.  Lots of people were telling me....oh they did the same thing to me, nothing to worry about.  Ok......then they called me in again for a biopsy.  Again, lots of people.....oh that is just routine, they saw something now they have to check it out.  Probably just a fibrous cyst or mass.  (Yikes....what the hell are those???)  Don't worry it will be fine.  The doctor's office called and said the dr. would like to see you on Friday, Dec 16.  My first thought:  Why does he have to see me, can't he tell me you are fine over the phone?  I really thought I would be just fine.  Imagine my surprise when he told me I had breast cancer.  I cried like a little baby .....sobbed, wretched, loud, earth shattering sobs.  I couldn't stop myself.  All day.  Shortly after the news, I wasn't sure what to do (other than cry) and they scheduled me for an MRI.  I was alone as I chose to go by myself in case it was bad news.  Didn't want anyone to see me crying cuz I am a big bad lady who is brave and not scared.....yeah right!  (I just didn't want anyone to see the sobbing marathon!)  So I go to the MRI and crying I put my face into the little holder while the twins dangle in the wind.  They put me in the machine and I swear I could hear laughing (that thing is sooooo loud!) and then I could hear the drumming of the words, DIE!  DIE! DIE!!  It was so disturbing, yet funny at the same time.  Like I was really hearing the words DIE!  I was however just trying to get through it, so if that was humorous to me, then so be it.  I text my husband and a friend and to let them know the news.  Not my favorite way to communicate the bc but I had to go the MRI and could not be on my phone, so it was fast and easy.  I felt bad for them cuz they had been waiting for good news and I gave them bad news and didn't get to respond back to them....I would have HATED that if I were in their shoes!  So finally the MRI is over and I go to my car in a fog and cry some more.  Then I just decided to call everyone and let them know the news.  My good friend Kristi Myers was just diagnosed with bc a few months before so I called her to tell her we would be wig buddies.....most were shocked but who wouldn't be.  I am just glad that I had the nerve to call everyone and just get it over with.   It was actually therapeutic.  Now to concentrate on getting WELL!!!