My very own Mediport!!!

Yesterday I got my mediport put in for the chemo treatments.  It was pretty painless at the time as they pretty much knock you out with some premium sedatives.  They stitch you up and put some plastic strip over it and then you wait to make sure you don't get infection and such.   I have heard that some people get their port in the day before they start chemo.  Those people are CRAZY!!   The port is VERY sore and I wouldn't want a needle (or anyone or anything for that matter) coming near me today.  I have told my husband not to even graze that area.  It's sore!  It probably didn't help that I got another injection of saline in my right breast to stretch the skin out some more...so needless to say I have a really tight and sore chest today.

It was done as an out-patient surgery but you still have to go thru all the surgery prep.  When I finally got to the operating room, they asked me what I was suppose to have done.  My response was "you mean you don't know??"  Which was followed by some laughter.  Had to keep things light since more scapels were going to start cutting on me again!  You have to have a chest x-ray when it's all done.  When the dr. was talking to me he said I would have to have the x-ray as they wanted to make sure they don't nick your heart or your lung.  I told him not to do that.  He said he hoped he didn't.  That was reassuring.  But all turned out well and now I am just going to whine for a few days until it feels better. 

Do not Disturb.....Busy Kicking Cancer's A$$

I went and saw my favorite little Jedi Oncologist today....Dr. Singh.  He reassured me that all my tests (PT and CT Scan) were all clear and I have a good heart.....(well, the heart part, I already knew:))).....but I was so happy to hear about the other scans being clear which means the cancer has not spread and that is a GREAT thing!!! 

So I will start chemotherapy March 7th and will take those drugs for 8 weeks, 4 times total going every other week.  You get a rest period as the chemo can sometimes really kick your butt!!  So every other Wed starting March 7th I will get my chemo rounds and then on Thursdays of that same week I will get a shot to boost my white blood cell count.  The following week I will get to rest and then that following week we start the cycle all over again.  It's a very typical schedule for my cancer, so I was prepared for it.  The following 12 weeks after that will be chemo once a week.  So 20 weeks altogether.  Hey I will take it for a life time of LIVING....so 20 weeks....bring it on.

Covers for my Head

I bought a few items to cover my head so that I am prepared when it starts falling out.  I have heard from many people that losing your hair is one of the hardest parts of breast cancer during chemo.  Emotionally, sometimes I do get drained and I get a little anxious and scared if I think about having breast cancer too much.  I mean seriously.....can it possibly take away anything more from me that makes me a woman??  My boobs, my hair, my long and lucious lashes????  I can see why it bothers many women and why eventually I will be bothered by it too.  I am sure I will look "bald-chic" in all my head wear (scarves, hats, turbans, wigs) but seeing my "chipmunk cheeks" without hair to hide them......Ick! And honestly, I look like a dork in hats!!!

So Sick of Dr. Appointments

I am one of those gals that goes kicking and screaming to the doctor.  I just hate taking the time and energy to do it (at least that was before all this happened).  I had an in-grown toenail about a year ago and finally went to the doctor after I couldn't even walk on it cuz it was so inflamed and throbbing.  (I know stupid!) But if I had not gone in for that toenail, they never would have seen how swollen my face and body were, and I would not have known that I had an underactive thyroid.  So I should have learned from that process that it's good to go to the doctor.  But I am getting so sick of it already.  5 appts in 1 week is a lot.  And although I like most of my doctors, I just get tired of going.  I know, boo hoo....I am having a pity party today.  But I wish it involved less poking and prodding and more treating.  I have to say I thought I would get use to showing the girls to just about anyone, but there is still a bit of a flush that comes over me each time I have to show them.  (It's different when you are not liquored up and people aren't throwing beads at you.....)  So today I get my right girl filled for the first time.  I can hardly feel that side.  It's strange.  It almost feels like when your arm is asleep and it's almost waking up, but not quite and you can take it and swing it around like a weapon that is not really part of your body.  Don't laugh, I know you have all done that before!!!  They are healing nicely and hopefully I will be pain free one day....can't wait for that day!

I get my port put in on next Tuesday.  This is so they will not have to put an IV in my arm each and every time.  It will be located by my collar bone and they will hook the chemo meds to it each time.  They give you the same type of anethesia that they give for a colonoscopy and I didn't feel a thing when I had mine so I am not worried at all....looking forward to a little semi-conscious siesta!!! LOL!

Chemo Cocktails....Shaken, but not stirred

Mike and I met with the oncologist, Dr. Singh today.  Is it bad that we both noticed a "Yoda type" hair coming out of his ear???  I guess we needed other things to focus on.  Dr. Singh seems to be very knowledgable and very caring...and most important, he's honest....thank goodness cuz I really need honesty about this whole process.  I guess my first thought about the whole meeting is that I am glad I read and did some research.  I know some people are against learning things off the internet, cuz let's face it....it's the internet. For all any of us know, Joe Blow from Detroit who lives with his mom and plays on the computer all day long could be posting some of the information about having breast cancer so you just don't know what you should believe or not.  Well, I have received most of my information from the Cancer websites so I felt pretty confident on my research and I think it surprised my oncologist when I not only agreed with him, but I understood his terminology.  So, that being said I am on the course to give myself the most lethal doses of chemo possible cuz I have to get it all to prevent it moving to other parts of my body.  I am all for that so I am ready for whatever they want to throw at me.  Scary, YES!!!  Ready?  YES!  I just want to get it over with.  I have a really good haircut and style right now so I am really not big on losing my hair, but what do you do??  Hair grows back, eyelashes grow back.....let's hope and pray and ZAP it so cancer DOESN'T grow back.

Ding Dong the Drains are GONE!!!

I'm not sure if I mentioned it or not, but I hate the drains!!  HA!!  Obviously everyone knows my distain for them by now so I am proud to report that I got my last drain out today and I feel marvelous!!!  I don't feel attached to something that pulls on my skin or that I have to pin to my clothing or empty late at night.  GROSS!!  So happy, happy, happy!!  And my hubby took me to Red Lobster for lunch today for V-day!!  What a great day!  But that is not the only great thing that happened....I drove for the first time today in 2 weeks and that was awesome too!  I haven't felt this independent since I got my drivers license!!  A+ day for me!

My 1st Social Outing...........

About a week before my surgery I bought a ticket to a fund raiser for the South Hardin prom committee.  It was a Valentine’s Day dance at the Pine Lake Country Club.  I bought it to support the prom and hung it on my fridge cuz in my mind there was NO WAY I would be there 11 days after surgery, that was just nuts to even think about!!!  Well, Kristi and Scott Myers came over to my house this past Saturday afternoon and said they were heading to the dance that evening and that Mike and I should think about coming.  And you know what….it sounded like FUN!!  I have been such a fun-hater lately that I was even surprised at myself.   So mom came over to baby sit for a few hours and Mike and I ventured out to see REAL people, not just medical personnel.  I had such a great time!  It was wonderful to see all my friends in one place and watch the dynamics of people having fun!  The saxophone player of the band (who were awesome I might add!) told everyone I would be dancing on the table later on that evening.  Little did he know he had the right girl….just bad timing!! LOL!  Those of you who I saw and spoke to, or didn’t get a chance to speak to, you all look WONDERFUL.  And I loved talking and laughing with everyone.  I did pay for it on Sunday as I had to have a power nap and maybe an extra pain pill…but it was so worth it!!

Kristi Myers had a super sexy scarf on and if I lose my hair I want to rock that scarf like she did!  She also trimmed Hadley’s bangs for me so she is one of my heroes for this weekend!

Speaking of power nap and heroes, a big thanks goes out to my friend Stacy Peden who cleaned my house, and fed Hadley and watched her while I got that super, awesome nap.  And woke up with my house looking awesome and my child fed and feeling happy.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

If all goes as planned my last drain will come out on Tues.  At the dance this weekend, if the drain flipped sideways it looked a little  like I had stashed hor de’vours in my pocket.  Once again, hate the drains and can’t wait for them to come out.  I have my first appt on Friday early morning to talk about chemo and what to expect.  I am ready to just get it over with I guess.   So stay tuned!  Also, keep reading the blog as I have had a lot of people approach me on BC fundraisers and such so I will post them here and on Facebook!  There are so many people that care and support BC and I am really thrilled to hear and be a part of it.  Thank you.

My babies..........

See why I am going to fight like Chuck?????

Bummer.....

I am bummed today.  I thought I might be able to get my last drain out today but when I called to report it to the dr. he said it was not ready to come out.  I guess it's ok cuz it's like 0 degree wind chill factor today so I don't really want to go out in the cold.  I will just stay home and complain about how uncomfortable the drain is for a few more days.  They made an appt for me on Tuesday, so hopefully it will be ready.  "Jet Stream Judy" aka my mom, says there is going to be a big snow storm on Monday evening so that should be a fun commute.  See I am nothing but whiney today since I don't get my drain out.

On a more positive note, congrats to my friends Chad and Maggie Roy.  They had a baby girl Brenna Ann on Feb 7th, Palmer's birthday.  It's likely I will always remember that little girls bday!  I know she is named after her wonderful late aunt, which is awesome but I can't help but celebrate that my middle name is Ann too!

Birthdays and Food!!!

First of all, Happy Birthday Palmer Drum!! He is 11 years old today, can you believe that!  I bought him a ticket to go down to see his dad and fly as an unaccompanied minor.  This will be his 3^rd time to do it.  The first time he did it I thought I would have a heart attack, but each time he goes, it does get a bit easier.  I still worry but I have to know when to let go sometimes.  I am not very good at that.  Anyway, he was very happy to get to visit his dad for a mini spring break. 

One drain came out today from my visit with the plastic surgeon.  If all goes well, the other one comes out this Friday.  I have never been so excited for a doctor's visit.   All is going well so far, so keep praying, they are getting answered!

Eat your heart out everyone…..I am having Mama Judy’s homemade tenderloins tonight…I know…jealousy….she is MY mom you know so I am entitled to all her awesome cooking!  My friend Stacy’s son Beau said the other night….. "That Al, he is so lucky.” And he said it so seriously!!!  I had to chuckle at that.  Yeah, Al, you are one lucky guy to get to sample of all Judy’s cooking for the rest of your life!!!  LOL!

One good thing about being sick is that people want to make things for you that they never make for you unless you are sick or it’s  a big birthday.  I love Gary Vaux’s shrimp dip.  I have had it 3 times total.  Once at their BBQ, once when I was house/babysitting Katie while they were out of town (yes I am old, get over it) and the last time they brought it for my 40^th birthday.   Now they are bringing it to me again, and I cannot wait.  Should I really be this excited over shrimp dip?  Why yes, yes I should.

My little Hadley

Ok so my daughter is super smart, I already know this.  Duh, she's half me!!!!!  LOL!  Anyhoo, I have been so proud of the way she has handled not having her mommy able to pick her up and love on her like she is use to.  I have told my friend Stacy that it's almost like there is an invisible fence around me and when she gets close to that barrier, something tells her to back off, so she puts her little head on my knees and pats the side of my leg...like she is trying to say "get better, Mommy, get better".  It is so darn cute it kills me!!!!  That's my proud mama moment, couldn't help it.

Go back to plastic surgeon tomorrow and will most likely get a drain removed, which will make my life so much easier with just one drain.  Have I mentioned that I hate the drains?  And you will laugh at me today cuz I took a bath and took my bath robe and tied it around my neck and guess where I hung the drains......?  Yup around my neck, I am not proud of it, but it did help so I take back all that I made fun of before I knew the ugly truth!!!  Maybe I will hunt for that fanny pack after all?????

Superbowl Sunday

10 years ago to this day, Palmer started walking for the first time.  In 2 days he will be 11....where has the time gone?  I find myself looking forward to the Superbowl this year, mainly because everyone else will be laying around with me and I won't feel so bad!  I especially enjoy all the commercials.  Some are hilarious, and some I think I could do a better job of writing.  Anyway, I can tell I am getting restlessly bored some days as I find that Geiko commercial with the gekko line dancing to be absolutely haliarious.  For shame I know!!

Today will also be the first day that I take the dressings off my battle wounds and leave them off.  One of my nurses told me I needed to stand in front of the mirror and take a good look at myself so that I could recover....she said that not only is this a physically difficult time, it's also an emotionally difficult time. And I was like, Honey...that is what Zoloft is for!!  But seriously I have looked at myself and it's really not as bad as I thought it was going to be, so I am ok with that.  I have such a cute new perky left breast, I can't wait to see what the other one will look like.  I REALLY have to lose some weight now cuz I will look like a pear with my new small breasts and big wide mamma butt and tummy.......ishhhhhhh! 

I am also going to put the special bra they gave me on today for the first time.  I shudder to think of having anything on my wounds right now (I know TMI Laurie!!) but I have to get use to wearing it.  Maybe it will even make them feel better.  I guess the better they feel, it's one step closer to hugging my kids and my husband.

Waiting........

Just lying around waiting to heal.  I think that is the hardest part.  I get up and walk around the house every now and then to keep my legs mobile and not to stiffen up.  I feel like Bob Dole and if you put a pen in my right hand I would probably look like him.  That right arm is so immobile!!!  I walk around with it hanging to my right side.  And you can't help it cuz you want to move it, you just can't!!!  Now don't everyone start calling me Bob Dole, cuz that would tick  me off!

I go back to the plastic surgeon on February 7th (palmer's birthday) to get one of the drains out.  I hate the drains, they are such a pain and I worry someone is going to pull them out (well, not someone, mainly me!)  It's hard not to pull on them with every move you make.  I did finally get a shower today from the waist down.  And my mom washed my hair.  I am only half ugly today so that makes me feel better.  And I smell so good now!!!

The pain is getting a lot better.  I thought I would become addicted as I was counting down the minutes till the next time I could have a pain pill and today I haven't been doing that.  NOT saying I don't enjoy when I do get to take a pain pill, but I am not dying for one at least!  I could use a stiff drink but I will refrain from that until I get a doctors ok on it.....oh SNAP!

No need to sugar coat it......

I won't sugar coat it for you, I have pretty much felt like A$$ the last 4 days.  I woke up and I wondered when the whole A-Z volume of Encyclopedia Brittanicas landed on my chest.  Then after that, I thought maybe a garbage truck had ran over it, then backed up and ran over it again.  One word, PAIN!  But there is always light at the end of the tunnel and the staff at Allen Hospital did wonderful managing my pain and nausea.  They would ask me what I needed and I would say something to knock me out!!  Getting up and down is the worst, if I could just lay in bed that would be great but that would make me  worse and way stiffer.  So once I finally got over the fabulous pain meds and anesthestic at the hospital, I was on my own and boy was that rough!  I was discharged at about 1:00pm on Wed and to my mom's to recuperate.

Yesterday was a bad day.  Really painful, sore and hard to move, eat, basically function without a lot of pain.  I really cannot wash my hair cuz I can't get my stitches wet and I am such a grease ball cuz I can only take sponge type baths.  I am pretty gross, but hey I can't look any uglier so I can only go up from there! Bonus!

Today is a much better day.  My mom and Al have been fabulous....really GREAT nurse-maids.  I almost don't want to leave!  It's awesome getting waited on hand and foot!!  Thanks mommy!  But I am trying to get more things on my own and moving around more.  I feel much better.  I brushed my hair, that is a pretty big feat for me since my right arm is somewhat immobile.  I have a big rats nest in the back of my hair so I just put a hairpiece on for visitors now!!  HA!! 

My hubby has brought the kids each night for a visit and is doing really well with them on his own.  I feel bad for him, but am glad he is managing so well.  It's hard not to give each of them a big bear hug.  And Hadley wants to be lifted and carried and I haven't been able to do that yet...which is heartbreaking.  But I have great, resilient kids that are going to be fine and a great hubby taking great care of them.  Just keep bringing Mike food, he loves visitors and food --- he will be in heaven if anyone wants to do that for him.

The REALLY good news is they got the tumor and my lymph nodes contained no cancer!!  Thank you Jesus!!  Thanks for all the prayers everyone!!  I meet with all the specialists in the weeks to come so I will keep you posted!