Race for the Cure!

I got up early on Saturday morning with Kristi Myers to catch a bus from Ames to Des Moines to walk in the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure.  While I didn't "race", I did walk three miles which is a GIGANTIC feat for me.  I was tired as hell, but I made it!!  And what a great turn out!  Hopefully one day we will never hear of anyone dying from breast cancer.  I know it's a huge wish, but hopefully it will happen one day.  I sure hope it does in my lifetime.  Here we are after the 3 mile marker....I was a happy (and sore) camper!!  Thank you to all my Cycos for a Cure teammates...it was a fun day!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

My little pirate!!  So cute, I just want to squeeze her.  She's not dangerous since she still has her pacifier...I am sure she wouldn't make you walk the plank!

3 Month Check up next week

Sorry, had to post that picture of those heel/horse shoes....is that not the most disturbing photo you have ever seen????? 

Next week is my 3 month post breast cancer check up.  While I am going into it with a good attitude, I have just a small part of myself that is a bit scared.  Hoping all with still be just fine and I am sure it will be.  I just know that I would not be normal if I wasn't looking over my shoulder a little bit!

Tomorrow Kristi Myers and I are going to walk in the Susan G Komen Race for Cure in Des Moines.  I know I will NOT be racing.  I will barely be walking, but I am going to do my best.  I am excited to see a bunch of survivors.  We are taking a bus from Ames so that should be fun!  Our team name is "Cyco's for the Cure" which features Cyclones on the t-shirt.  Since I am a Hawkeye fan, it will be a bit disturbing wearing a cyclone but it's for a good cause.

Thanks to Paige for getting me this coffee cup -- hilarious!

WTF??????

The new nipple......

***Warning....nipple talk, don't let your kids read ***

I was trying to decide whether to have them make me a new nipple for my mastectomy breast that has been redone with an implant.  I went back and forth as I kind of wanted them to look closer to twins (my breasts) but yet I guess I really didn't care one way or the other.  I can't feel anything anyway on my right breast, so did it really matter???  Yesterday I went to the plastic surgeon and he convinced me to have the nipple put on. (I think it's because they will miss me too much if I am not in their care anymore....at least that is what I tell myself)  This is how the nipple thing works (which I just learned yesterday):  They make you the ring around the nipple and construct a nipple.  It will not be as "sticking out" as my other nipple for lack of a better description but they will build it up a bit. Now the material they use to do this, I am not sure yet.  If it's cadaver skin I am running for the hills.  I don't want dead person nipple.  I have to assume it's from some synthetic skin thing they have.  I am so not medical can you tell??  Anyway,  The have to give me a local shot in the breast ***ouch*** and then they will proceed.  I can drive myself to and from the procedure.  I have to wear gauze with a hole cut out...so the nipple can breathe??  LOL!  I just made that part up, I am not sure why.  After 3 months I can have the tatoo applied which means basically just coloring it in to look like a real nipple.  I am having the procedure done on December 17th.  I needed a break from the doctors for a while so we scheduled it for a couple months.  Getting more and more back to the old Laurie...uh oh!

HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY HADLEY!

My little schmoopy turned 2 on Saturday. She had a great day!  Grandma Sandy and Grandpa Bill brought her pics of the horses and she went wild over them!  She loved all the clothes and dolls from Grandma Judy and Grandpa Al too and all the other gifts that her great Aunt and Uncle Sandy and Arlin, and Aunt Lisa and Aunt Marc and all her cousins. Cousin Jennifer and her boys got her a "I wear pink for my mommy shirt"  I about cried!  Grandpa Dean brought her a t-shirt from his hunt in Argentina.  Aunt Christy made her a pumpkin cake and cupcakes and her and Uncle Jon gave her books and candy called Boogers....I am sure she will have fun with those!  Uncle Tim got her a fuzzy bear back pack.  Hattie and her family bought her books and coloring books! They all showered her with gifts and she was just beside herself!!!  It was really cute.  Scott and Stacy Peden got her a radio flyer tricycle and it's PINK!!  So cute.  And her friends the Kubiks from Kansas sent her PJ's and a Happy Birthday Book.  It was such a great day and Hadley thanks everyone for coming and their fun gifts!!  And she got lots of cards in the mail and knows to watch for cards in the mail at her birthday now!  Thank you everyone!

October is Boobie Month!!

Breast cancer awareness month...October!!!  Go get a mammogram, please.  My cancer would not have been detected so early (or maybe not until it was too late...yikes!) if I would not have had my first mammogram.  So please it's very important to go get checked. 

I have to admit, I use to love pink.  But since my diagnosis I have been surrounded by so much pink it's like Pepto Bismol puked all over me.  So for October, I will embrace the pink ribbon and all it's pinkness, but after that I am going straight to Christmas colors!  LOL!!

Bucket List!!!!

I have a lot of things I would like to do in my lifetime but I am settling right now for the little things.  No pain (LOL!), having hair, shopping for new bras, wearing jeans that are not meant for clown people.....  Ah, the little things like eyelashes and eyebrows!!  Those are my mini bucket list items.  I have a lot of plans in the next few weeks also.  Hadley's birthday party, shopping weekend, visit in KC with Carey, Jason and Kyley, and Mike and I are going to go to Vegas again in December....I know...twice in 1 year, I must be special....or stupid..one or the other.  I want to stay away from that damn Sex and the City slot machine, but I know I will have to play it a few times....love it!!  So here are a few things I want to accomplish in the next year:

Cancer Free!!
Exercising Regularly
Going out to eat with my hubby once a month as "date night"
Getting back into my wedding dress!!!  HA!
Looking like the pictures I post on facebook from 5 years ago!  HA HA!!
Playing with my kids and watching them grow
Going to an Iowa Football game with Palmer
Taking a family vacation
Trapshooting a few times
Golfing a few times
Family photo

I don't require much, but these things WOULD make me happy and I will cross them off as I go along.  I am definitely getting back to my old self.....might I just say "Whew"......!

Smells Like Football Games & Bonfires.....

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this time of year.  Always have.  Going to football games and chatting with friends. Drinking a cold beverage with gloves on but yet not too cold that you can't stand it.  The leaves are turning, and it's beautiful out.  These are the days I live for!!  I am feeling so much better from my respiratory problems that it's like a re-birth for me!  So excited to have the weekend in front of me.  I am probably going to make it to that Bacheloretter Party this weekend, although I am packing lots of water....I know, I am a Debbie Downer but I do not want to take ANY chances of a relapse!!!  It will be fun just to socialize.  I remember not too long ago that I just wanted to hide in my house and not see anyone so I feel like it's a big step for me to get out around a huge group of people.  But I am looking forward to it, rather than having panic attacks about it....huge turn-around for me!! 

Mike is busy farming so the kids and I have been hanging out.  Palmer has started to aggrevate Hadley instead of her hanging on his every move...I think he doesn't like that one bit!!  I think it's funny!  They are my entertainment.  My baby turns 2 on Oct 13th......can't believe she is getting to be such a big girl.  Here's a pic of the both of them when Palmer had "nerd day" at school:

Why do I always JINX myself????

Remind me to keep my mouth closed so I don't jinx myself!  I KNOW how super crazy and superstitious I am, so WHY would I say that I am perfectly fine???  Cuz last week I developed nasty sinus infection that moved to my chest and has now given me walking pneumonia.  I feel like A$$.  And it feels like it's never going away.  I can't hardly swallow, eat, sleep or anything because of the congestion in both my chest and nose.  I have not been able to smell anything in 6 days, which is good and bad I guess!!  I have a really good antibiotic though, so hopefully I am on the mend.  I have to miss a super fun bachelorette party this weekend though so I can recuperate and keep on my meds (no partying on those meds!!) and I am really bummed about it.  But I really need to start to feel better.  So Brittany and Brady...have fun at your parties...I really wanted to be there as I know it would have been a blast.  But I will redeem myself at the wedding reception!!!

Appears to be nothing wrong with me....

I am happy to report that other than mental angst, I am perfectly healthy!  I got my stitches out yesterday and the "almost" twins look so nice and are feeling much better.  They are so much smaller!!!  I can't believe what a difference it makes in shirts and sweaters.  But I am very happy with the out-come and feel much more like a "girl" now.  (Not Frankenstein!)

Still waiting for my hair to grow in so I have been wearing berets with a 1/2 wig.   It's kind of a "thing" for me right now. Not quite as hot and a bit more comfy than a full wig.  Plus I look like so Bob Marley-ish.  Mike makes fun of me but that's ok.  Here is my Hawkeye, Bob Marley look:

The new me.....

I got a raving review from my plastic surgeon.... that I am healing nicely and all looks good. The loose skin is a "good thing" as my other boob is normally loose and not saline hard, so he wanted both of them to match as closely as possible.  I will say they are both jiggly and feel pretty real, especially the one that is not real.  At 42 I don't really need my boobs to be at my neckline so I am pretty happy with the results.  They will never look or feel the same as they use to, but I am ok with that cuz I get to see my kids grow up.

Don't take those eyelashes for granted!!!

I am slowly getting back to normal (or what was mostly normal for me).  My eyebrows are coming along beautifully, my hair is coming in nice and thick...still really short and no bangs, but nice and thick.  Also my hair is a nice mouse fur color right now, but I can live with it so far.  My body is healing up from the chemo and now I look like I have a french manicure as all the poison "white" lines in my fingernails have traveled all the way to the tips of my fingernails....it's the strangest thing I have ever seen!  I go see my plastic surgeon today to get the drain out hopefully so I can soon start wearing REAL bras!  I can't wait for that!  But I must say, my poor eyelashes really took a beating.  The bottoms ones are fine...I  never really lost those.  But my top lashes look like someone killed a spider by stepping on it and then harvested the crooked, broken legs of that spider for an eyelash transplant for me.  No matter how I try to curl or apply mascara, those stupid lashes go all over the place and clump together.  It's the ugliest thing I have seen!  And trying to seperate the lashes, only makes them look worse....so for now I will live with the dead spider legs on my eyes.  I will wear falseys now and then but hopefully it gets better soon.  I need my lashes back to normal!

Rougher than I thought.....

I thought I would be down a couple of days healing with my wounds but I was wrong...(I know, mark it on your calendar...Laurie was wrong!)  I was pretty sore and not feeling the greatest even this weekend.  I felt like I had the flu....mixed in with falling down on the highway and getting major road rash on my chest....that is how it feels.  Kinda stingy!  But I have been a major loafer at home and caught up on all my crazy reality shows.....I know, I am a reality junky and I hate it!!!  My guilty pleasure!  But back to work today as I am feeling a lot better.  Thursday I go to the doctor and hopefully get out this DRAIN!!  I know....the dreaded drains...hate them with a passion, but of course everyone knows how much I hate those drains.  But I should be thankful for only having 1 drain this time instead of 2.  And I have been able to be my own nurse-maid and haven't really had to rely on anyone else which is a huge goal of mine.  I am so tired of being the patient!!! 

I must say that the twins are not really twins anymore, but I do like to call them that, they are fraternal twins now though, and not identical!  HA!  They are a nice smaller size and something I think I can work with.  I do have some extra skin on the implant side so I am going to have to ask how that is going to work out.  That extra skin causing chafing...and you know I can't stand chafing!!!  Even the word grosses me out!!  I thought maybe they would be a bit higher or "lifted" but they aren't really. They actually look pretty normal with a bra on.  I know...TMI (too much information Laurie!)  I will post a nice pic of Mike and I when I can wear a regular bra in a decent shirt so everyone can actually see that I am not Frankenstein!!  Oh and my port is GONE!!   Hallelujah!!!!

Surgery Day

In about a half hour Mike and I will be leaving to go check in at the hospital for my out-patient surgery.  We came into work to tie up a few loose ends since I will be gone a couple days (and so I don't eat and snack at home!!! I have to fast right now...boo!)  I am a bit nervous.  Today I will get my expander out and my new silicone implant put in...size C (ahhhh just the right size for me!) and then I will get my other breast fixed since it never really healed right.  He is going to cut some skin out and make it look all snazzy.  I hope he does cuz it looks yucky right now.  I am sure that part will hurt and will continue to hurt/heal the most.  Then lastly, I get my port out which is where they put the chemo to my veins.  I am sure that will hurt also as it is still a bit sensitive.  3 incisions to heal from, hopefully it goes fast and I can get some narcotic nap time!!  See you in a few days!

Nice Long Weekend....ahhhhhh

It was a nice relaxing weekend.  Hadley and I spent time playing for most of it.  She is quite an entertainer!!!  Some of the things that come out of her mouth are so much like me!!  Scary!!!  I am trying to get as much of holding her as I can, as I cannot lift her for 4 whole weeks after surgery!!!  I am so bummed.  Palmer the sweetheart that he is said he would help out with it.  And she loves her big bro Palmer!!! 

Palmer has his first football game on Sunday the 9th.  I hope I am feeling ok to go to it and sit.  I hate missing his games.  He also has his first dance on Friday.  I am officially a mom that has a son that is going to a real school dance.  Wow!!!! (Even though all of my friends from high school have children that have gotten married, or are going off to college this year, or getting their senior pics taken!!  I had my kids a bit later in life!!!)

Tomorrow is surgery and I am a bit nervous, but just more ready to get everything over with and healed up.  That would put me at "finished" and I can cross everything off my list that I needed to do for breast cancer.  Ahhhhhhh! (oh except maybe the nipple tattoo, if I decide to have it!)

9 MORE DAYS TO NEW BOOBIES!!

Tomorrow I go in for my pre-op appointment with my plastic surgeon to have him check me out and finalize plans for surgery.  I soooooo wish I were getting a tummy tuck, neck and face lift at the same time, but us beggers cannot be choosers.  One recovery from all that Face Fab would have been nice, but I will take the new breasts for now.  I am so tired of this expander!!! It's rock hard and feels so strange. I can tell the skin has stretched as I now have ample skin on the side that rubs against my armpit.  And it's so disgusting and makes my armpit chafed.  And I hate the word chafed!!!  Yuck!  But only 9 more days...bring on the pain!  No pain, no gain!

I am starting to feel so much better.  Each day I am less fatigued.  I still have major muscle stiffness and soreness though.  That sucks.  I try to blame it on the cancer treatments but I might be forced to just chalk it up to age.....no, not quite yet!

Photos

My bad-ass baby!!!

Weight Loss.....URGHHHHH

I decided since I had gained quite a bit of weight during treatment (and since I could no longer blame it on chemo or the steroids!!!) that I should try to lose some weight.  Being over weight and inactive (among other things) aids in getting breast cancer....so they say.  But for my own sanity I have been on weight watchers for the past 5 weeks.  I am happy to report I have lost a total of 9.4 lbs.  I feel better already and have given myself a healthy goal and plenty of time to do it in (a year!!)  Thank goodness for mobile apps too as they can tell you everything about what goes into your mouth and if you want to eat it - or as I say "is it points worthy"?  Weight watchers gives you an allocation of points for you to consume each day and if you stay within that range you lose weight.  So it's pretty cut and dry and it really does work.  But I sure do miss my big bowls of icecream at night!!

Tonight is Palmer's Open House for his first year in 6th grade over at Hubbard.  He gets to meet his teachers and find his classrooms and locker and drop off his stuff.  He has already called me three times and it's not even noon yet.  He is so excited I think he might pee his pants.  But that's a good thing.

In Remission.......

I don't want to jinx myself, cuz you know how I feel about that...everytime I say something is good news sometimes turns around on me, so I want to be careful....maybe that's called superstition?  Who knows.  I do know that when speaking with my oncologist yesterday they "think" and are "pretty sure" they got the cancer that was inside of me.  So I am considering that remission and I am going to call myself cancer free...please no jinx!!!!

Since I have TNBC (triple negative breast cancer) I do not respond to any long term drugs such as hormone therapy or tamoxafin.  Chemo and radiation are the only things that work on my type of breast cancer.  Those with hormone positive receptors can continue their treatment past chemo and radiation.  They take a pill that can keep treating them.  I cannot do chemo for the next 5 years (and thank goodness!)  But since we zapped everything and I had the mastectomy the oncologist feels that we have done well on getting rid of the cancer....hopefully for good!  I am petrified it will come back...not going to lie to you.  But I can't live my life scared to death of it, so I have to just put it out of my mind.  I am on the last home stretch and cannot wait to be done and live like a normal person....even though I was never really normal before.